{"id":80,"date":"2016-09-02T17:15:46","date_gmt":"2016-09-02T21:15:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.herbheineman.com\/?page_id=80"},"modified":"2024-07-24T15:11:41","modified_gmt":"2024-07-24T19:11:41","slug":"chapter-2","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/edensgarden\/chapter-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Chapter 2: The Gauntlet"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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PART I: 1970<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Karen had met Alan Avery, then a senior medical student, at a party during her junior year in law school. A former member of his college swimming team, Alan stood five feet eleven inches tall, with skin that tanned easily and thick black hair. They made a photogenic couple. After dating for a couple of months they began to look beyond appearances and saw each other as a good catch who could also be an asset in their climb to success.<\/p>

Their marriage, which took place a month after her graduation from law school, could be described as made, if not in heaven, at least in a marriage counselor\u2019s office. Neither had any religious conviction. What they did have was their own professional futures, mutual respect, and guaranteed wealth. Their family was planned at the outset: there would be none until they\u2019d established themselves, which in his case meant completion of his specialty and subspecialty training. For Alan had not been called to medicine to take care of sore throats and bellyaches. Both parents were tenured medical professors; his older sister was already teaching surgery; two younger twin brothers were in medical school, each involved in a faculty research project as promising as Alan\u2019s had been in his day. With the publication of \u201cCardiac output in the white rat before and after mating: An unexpected sex difference,\u201d in which the compulsive reader could find the name Avery, A.G., sixth in a string of seven authors (the department chair\u2019s name bringing up the rear), a distinguished career in cardiology, research and all, surely was his for the taking. And he was expected to take it.<\/p>

The prescribed path began with a three-year residency in internal medicine, of which he was approaching the halfway point. A year from now applications for a cardiology fellowship\u00a0\u2014 a combination of clinical consultations, research, and teaching\u00a0\u2014 would be due. But he wasn\u2019t thinking about his career as he lazily watched the six o\u2019clock news.<\/p>

\u201cHi Hon. You also have the night off?\u201d<\/p>

She sidestepped the innuendo and answered brightly, \u201cThe afternoon too.\u201d<\/p>

He took his eyes off the TV. \u201cHow\u2019s that?\u201d he asked, frowning now. He hoped it was just a shopping trip. A larger wardrobe for court, maybe; she\u2019d never get time off for personal shopping.<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019ve been to Rosetta Brand\u2019s office.\u201d It was not a name he recognized. \u201cAn obstetrician. Janine recommended her.\u201d<\/p>

Alan\u2019s face darkened. \u201cObstetrician,\u201d he repeated. An oppressive silence followed as the implication dawned on him. \u201cYou didn\u2019t have to go to a stranger, you know. I have connections.\u201d<\/p>

Saving him the question he evidently lacked the courage to ask, she said: \u201cI\u2019m pregnant.\u201d<\/p>

Alan blanched. \u201cBut we take precautions! How\u2019s it possible?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou\u2019re the doctor. Don\u2019t precautions sometimes fail?\u201d<\/p>

He stared at his wife. How could she be so complacent? She saved him that question too. \u201cI\u2019ll get an abortion. Help me with that.\u201d<\/p>

Leaving him to research his connections, she hung up her coat and purse and headed for the credenza.<\/p>

\u201cWould you like a drink?\u201d she called over her shoulder.<\/p>

He started to get up but dropped back into his chair, too shocked to answer. \u201cAlan,\u201d she repeated, \u201cdo you want anything?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cNo thanks.\u201d The words barely made it out of his dry mouth. He could have used a drink.<\/p>

She returned holding her scotch and soda. \u201cWhat\u2019s the matter?\u201d she asked, seeing his vacant expression. \u201cAn abortion\u2019s no big deal, is it?\u201d<\/p>

Alan pulled himself together. Looking her in the eye, he said, \u201cIt is<\/em> a big deal.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019ve only missed two periods. I thought it was quite safe.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThat\u2019s not the point, Karen. We\u2019re talking about our child.\u201d<\/p>

Had she been asked in the abstract, at another time, she\u2019d have been the first to say that family planning was not her exclusive right. But this was concrete and it was now, a threat that outweighed the niceties of consensual decision-making. Her reaction was immediate and unequivocal.<\/p>

\u201cI can\u2019t have a baby now! I thought we\u2019d agreed to wait till you were finished with your training. That\u2019s another three years.\u201d<\/p>

Alan walked slowly to the window, Karen\u2019s eyes following him anxiously. Across the street a girl of about three was pedaling a tricycle, a somewhat older boy taking a free ride on the back. Both seemed to be having the time of their lives. Alan smiled, wondered how long the girl\u2019s strength would hold out. \u201cAlan?\u201d Karen\u2019s voice brought him back.<\/p>

He took a deep breath, still facing the window, hands in his pockets, and braced himself. \u201cI\u2019ve done some thinking,\u201d he said slowly, looking at his knees, \u201cand I\u2019m not sure I have the drive or the talent for the rat race. Someone has to take care of patients, and I\u2019m actually enjoying it.\u201d He turned to her and raised his eyes. \u201cIf I practice internal medicine I won\u2019t be famous, but who needs it? I can be out of residency June after next.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThis is the first I\u2019ve heard about June after next.\u201d<\/p>

Her tone, in which he heard both fear and anger, rattled him. \u201cYou mean, just because my parents expect me to build a reputation on copulating rats, I can\u2019t choose to go into practice?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI assume you\u2019ve already dealt with your parents\u2019 reaction . . . . Have you told them?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cNo, and it\u2019s time to face up. They seem to think that greatness is a family obligation. I just didn\u2019t inherit the right genes. Let Erica carry the family banner, or Byron, or Ken.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI didn\u2019t know you felt that way, . . .\u201d<\/p>

\u201cSo?\u201d<\/p>

\u201c. . . but that\u2019s not really what I meant.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cWhat did<\/em> you mean?\u201d Now he was on the offensive. \u201cWhat reason can there be to put it off a year\u00a0\u2014 from your point of view?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI don\u2019t want to make any<\/em> commitment right now.\u201d<\/p>

Even as she spoke, determination battling with uneasiness, she asked herself, when had she changed her mind? Was it the trial, or was it the accumulation of experience from the start? She had entered the offices of Frazier & Drummond on her first day with all the na\u00efvet\u00e9 of the newly graduated. She would have it all. Other women managed profession and parenthood, and so would she. Yet doubts had crept in, bypassing the conscious mind that was too busy, or unwilling, to pay attention. Now her own words told her that whether to have the baby next year or in three years was a side issue. In fact, holding Alan literally to their agreement would be self-defeating, and she was relieved that he hadn\u2019t given in.<\/p>

Alan\u2019s decision, in fact, forced the issue. With the determination to deviate from his prescribed career path came an equal determination to start a family. It would help convince his parents, who would cloak their disappointment in a quasi-neutral question, asked with smiling face: \u201cWhat made you decide?\u201d \u2014 as if he owed them an explanation \u2014 that he meant what he said. And he would not give in to Karen. After all, the delay was intended for his training, not hers. She was already flying high.<\/p>

As dutiful partners they shared their daily experiences, though often not in a reciprocal way. It was a standing joke between them that before long she would know more medicine than he, what with her work and the stories he told about his patients. But his interest in law did not match hers in medicine. Thus he remembered little of her shoptalk and, worse, often found himself irritated when she interrupted his thoughts, reading, or television program. At first proud to be married to such a powerhouse, he had found himself uneasy of late with her enthusiasm for her work, an uneasiness multiplied by her success in court. It contrasted too sharply with the scaling back of his professional ambitions. And now the nauseating hint that she didn\u2019t want children. He needed time to think.<\/p>

\u201cThat\u2019s a significant thing you\u2019re saying,\u201d he said. \u201cCan we talk tomorrow, after I\u2019ve had a chance to digest it?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThere isn\u2019t all that much to talk about.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019m afraid there is.\u201d<\/p>

In bed that night, they could not have been less intimate had they been on opposite sides of a bundling board. It was their first crisis. As the sleepless hours passed, he searched for hope. Maybe Karen\u2019s decision was not as unambivalent as it seemed, but the worst thing he could do was to challenge her and force her to take a firm stand in defense. There had to be a better way. When he found it, he was able to sleep.<\/p>

Breakfast in the kitchen had been their favorite meal as long as they had lived in their house. The east-facing window caught the morning sun streaming through when they sat down to breakfast. But this morning her face was drawn and the usual cheerful good morning was missing.<\/p>

\u201cKaren,\u201d he said, putting a hand on her arm, \u201cyou know I\u2019ll support you, whatever it takes to get where you want to be. But what you said last night sounds like you\u2019re having second thoughts about ever<\/em> having children. Maybe I read too much into it?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d she said, her tone softened to match his. \u201cI\u2019ve always looked forward to a family, just like you. But it\u2019s hard to think of babies right now, just when work\u2019s so exciting.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cBut a child wouldn\u2019t mean the end of your career. A few weeks off and then we\u2019d have someone to take care of the baby while you go right back to work.\u201d<\/p>

She shook her head. \u201cYou don\u2019t realize the full extent of it. I didn\u2019t either at first. But I\u2019ve heard Janine talk about herself. I didn\u2019t know she\u2019d had her eyes on law school till she told me about her baby. She had a sitter, daycare, everything she needed so she could work, but she was constantly thinking about the baby, worrying over every little thing, taking time off when he got sick. After a while she decided she couldn\u2019t be true to the baby and law school at the same time. I\u2019d hate to be facing a dilemma like that.\u201d<\/p>

Alan nodded vigorously to validate her concern.<\/p>

\u201cEverything you say makes perfect sense,\u201d he said. \u201cBut where does it leave us? I\u2019ve also learned things along the way. Professional success has its price, not only up front but forever after. The successful people get called on for so many appearances, committees, lectures, symposia, you name it, and eventually they have time for nothing else.\u201d<\/p>

The flash of anger in her eyes took him by surprise.<\/p>

\u201cAre you suggesting that I should try not<\/em> to be successful, so that I\u2019d want kids instead?\u201d<\/p>

He realized the danger just in time to control himself.<\/p>

\u201cOf course not. I\u2019m just concerned that no future time\u2019s going to be any better than now.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cMaybe that\u2019s right,\u201d Karen said, her voice a shade louder than before, \u201cand that\u2019s exactly what makes me wonder whether I want children at all.\u201d<\/p>

Alan felt the screws tightening. It was hard to maintain a sympathetic tone.<\/p>

\u201cThat\u2019s what scares me. You\u2019re seeing career and family as mutually exclusive, and family loses out. That isn\u2019t what we had in mind when we married!\u201d<\/p>

\u201cNo, but I\u2019ve learned since then. Children grow up and leave, but my career, and the consequences of giving it up, are with me for life. Don\u2019t I have a right to think of myself too?\u201d<\/p>

Alan paused to consider that question. It was a trap; no unqualified answer would be acceptable. The unpleasant choice facing him was between her resentment and his, and who could tell whether any resolution was possible within their marriage? Still, he tried.<\/p>

\u201cYou\u2019re far better off than Janine. You\u2019re already a lawyer, so you don\u2019t have to decide about becoming one. Besides, after worrying about the child for a while you\u2019ll hit your stride. If you have to take time off, isn\u2019t it easier before you move up in the firm? Right now you\u2019re not going to lose clients for them. But the higher you go, the more there\u2019s at stake.\u201d<\/p>

She was looking at the floor, her mouth set in a straight line, taking in the argument but not replying. He delivered what he intended to be the coup de gr\u00e2ce.<\/p>

\u201cAlso, you don\u2019t have to do it all yourself. I don\u2019t intend to be an absentee father.\u201d<\/p>

Karen did not feel convinced, but neither did she want to seem stubborn. \u201cWell, I have a few weeks to decide. I\u2019ll talk it over with Frank and see what he says.\u201d<\/p>

First person singular. A decision to be made by her alone. With the help of her boss, not her husband. Still he found strength.<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019m sure Frank realizes what a treasure he has. He\u2019ll be only too glad to make a concession to your personal life.\u201d<\/p>

A week passed before she brought up the subject again. They were walking in the Wissahickon Valley, an arm of Fairmount Park that came within a few blocks of their home. It was one of those late winter days that announced to the optimist that spring was not far away. As the receding clouds caught the light of the setting sun in a dazzling display of orange, purple, and blue, Karen was optimistic. It was a perfect setting for her announcement.<\/p>

\u201cI spoke with Frank. He\u2019s not exactly beside himself with joy, but he seems to think I have a responsibility to my husband. I made the mistake of telling him you wanted a child.\u201d She cast an impish sideways glance at Alan. \u201cAnyway, he thought there\u2019d be a place for me at F & D when I come back. Even suggested I work part time until our daughter\u2019s in school.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cAll guarantees void if it\u2019s a boy?\u201d he asked, matching her expression.<\/p>

\u201cOK, I won\u2019t quibble,\u201d she said lightly. \u201cBut seriously, there\u2019s a risk. There\u2019s no guarantee that someone won\u2019t slip into my position. If they need the manpower\u2014\u201d<\/p>

\u201cNever,\u201d he said with all the conviction he could feign. \u201cThey might get temporary help, but they won\u2019t replace you. They can\u2019t.\u201d He did not know enough to justify such an assertion, but he was not about to let doubts fester in her<\/em> mind.<\/p>

She, in turn, knew his assurance was just so much bluster, but she had committed herself.<\/p>

\u201cIt won\u2019t be for months yet,\u201d she said.<\/p>

Months of satisfying work, months to agonize over her decision \u2014 reverse it, maybe?<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t

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<< Chapter 1<\/a><\/div>

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Chapter 3 >><\/a><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

PART I: 1970 Karen had met Alan Avery, then a senior medical student, at a party during her junior year in law school. A former member of his college swimming team, Alan stood five feet eleven inches tall, with skin that tanned easily and thick black hair. They made a photogenic couple. After dating for […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":21,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-80","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/80","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=80"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/80\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":738,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/80\/revisions\/738"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/21"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=80"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}