{"id":326,"date":"2016-09-10T13:55:12","date_gmt":"2016-09-10T17:55:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.herbheineman.com\/?page_id=326"},"modified":"2024-07-26T09:36:20","modified_gmt":"2024-07-26T13:36:20","slug":"chapter-30","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/edensgarden\/chapter-30\/","title":{"rendered":"Chapter 30: Memorial"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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PART III<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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It seemed as if the heat wave would never end. Sandra Meld hadn\u2019t intended to deceive the Averys about the lack of air-conditioning; she simply hadn\u2019t thought about it. As the sun rose once again into a hazy sky, she had mixed feelings about her omission: part regret, part sly hope that the lack of warning would increase the turnout. By two o\u2019clock the temperature was ninety-eight degrees and the relative humidity fifty percent. Four large fans in the corners of the nave moved the air as far as ten feet from where they stood. The church filled from the corners in. A few dozen early birds felt a breeze while the rest sweated ineffectively.<\/p>

Calvin and Father Conley wanted to arrive at the last moment to escape attention. Their plan almost backfired. No parking spaces remained within two blocks. As they slid, drenched and barely in time, into one of the few pews not already full, Father Conley apologized to his neighbor. With interest he noted that the man, though a generation younger, was as big as he. He wondered if the faithful seated behind them, seeing the two heads so much higher than the others, would assume they were related. He hoped he wouldn\u2019t have to identify himself.<\/p>

As he looked about, he saw that the church was packed with young people. Schoolmates probably. In the front row, the principal mourners sat right of the center aisle. Two couples in their forties, one of whom were sure to be the parents. An elderly couple and an elderly woman. A teenage girl and boy, maybe siblings or close friends of the deceased. Father Conley hoped some of the group were not family. They\u2019d be easier for Calvin to approach.<\/p>

Left of the aisle sat a woman in a minister\u2019s robe, her shoulders barely clearing the back of the pew. Father Conley noted her sex with interest and a secret approval. Too bad the Catholic Church persisted in wasting half its human resources. He had known many a woman who\u2019d have made a first-class priest. He sighed and consulted the order of service: The Reverend Sandra Meld, Minister. A possible conduit for Calvin. On his left, Calvin sat motionless and afraid, waiting for someone or something to show him the way. It was today or never.<\/p>

At five minutes past two, the organist stopped playing. The minister went to the pulpit. She looked down on the assemblage, and conversation ceased as if swept away by her gaze. The four fans, like an honor guard trained to stand at attention no matter what, alone refused to be silenced. Mrs. Meld read the opening words, which spoke of the transience of individual life and the re-creation of other life to take its place. Sounds of sobbing erupted from several places. What a marvelous contralto voice, Father Conley thought. Why must our services be denied such beauty? Calvin wondered, is she someone I can speak with?<\/p>

There followed a hymn, \u201cThe Earth Is Home,\u201d and then the minister spoke again.<\/p>

\u201cDear friends. Surely the presence of so many of you, almost more than this church can hold, speaks volumes for the love that continues to envelop Eden Avery . We are gathered here to remember Eden, to pay tribute to our loved one. To celebrate the life that was taken from her, and from all of us, far too soon. There are those among you who knew her all her life; those who enjoyed her precious friendship for a few years; and maybe some who, like me, learned to know her too late. I ask each of you to spend a minute looking inward, reflecting on how your life has been enriched by hers. If those reflections make you value your own life all the more, then nurture those thoughts, for they are Eden\u2019s gift to you.\u201d<\/p>

Another silence descended, punctuated by weeping and blowing of noses.<\/p>

\u201cLet us sing hymn seventy-three, \u2018I Cannot Think of Them as Dead.\u2019\u201d As the group sang,<\/p>

\u201c . . . And still their silent ministry within my heart has place,<\/p>

As when on earth they walked with me and met me face to face.<\/p>

Their lives are made forever mine; what they to me have been<\/p>

Has left henceforth its seal and sign engraven deep within,\u201d<\/p>

Calvin felt a knot forming in his stomach. The Rev. Meld reviewed the highlights of Eden\u2019s life: her birth into a family that took learning for granted; her attraction to nature that defied the constrictions of the school curriculum; her skill as an ice skater. She recounted Eden\u2019s fight for her life when she was twelve, and again at sixteen. \u201cWho among us has been challenged even once? . . . But death would not be defied a third time. We all lose in the end, but the legacy of courage Eden leaves behind must touch every one of us. Let us thank her for that gift too.\u201d<\/p>

Calvin\u2019s eyes glazed over. Rheumatic fever couldn\u2019t kill her; Bicillin couldn\u2019t kill her; no, that mission required the special skills of Doctor Calvin McCrae. He bent forward till his head was almost on his knees. \u201cIs he OK?\u201d came a voice from Father Conley\u2019s right. It belonged to the large man. Father Conley turned to him. \u201cSon, how can anybody at this service be OK?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIs \u2015 was \u2015 he a friend of hers?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIndirectly connected. He\u2019s taking it hard. Thanks for asking.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI know that many of you are Eden\u2019s good friends from school,\u201d the minister was saying. \u201cIt would surely comfort her to know of your presence here. But you have brought more than your presence. On your behalf, a group of your classmates have asked to pay a vocal tribute.\u201d<\/p>

The group retrieved an electric guitar, a violin, and a cello from the transept and took up station. Their selection was a Beatles favorite, \u201cShe\u2019s Leaving Home.\u201d As she reached the words, \u201cstanding alone at the top of the stairs she breaks down and cries to her husband, \u2018Daddy, our baby is gone,\u2019\u201d the singer herself broke down, as did countless listeners. The song was never completed. Arms around each other, the group sat down and cried. The effect was paralyzing.<\/p>

\u201cThank you, thank you so much.\u201d The minister fought to regain her composure. \u201cMusic touches us in ways that words alone can\u2019t. And I can\u2019t imagine a more fitting prelude to the voices of people who had a special bond with Eden. Debbie, would you speak first?\u201d<\/p>

As the minister sat down, the girl seated with the mourners rose slowly and turned to face the audience. Before she could speak, Mrs. Meld motioned her to the pulpit. Calvin studied her: A slender girl Eden\u2019s age, frizzy light brown hair pulled back in a ponytail, wearing a dark blue dress whose only concession to the heat was that the sleeves ended just below the elbows. Even at that distance, he could tell she had been crying.<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019m Debbie Rabin. Edie and I were best friends since we were second-graders together. Neither our religious difference nor that terrible illness, which separated us at school, could ever affect our friendship. To me she was like a beloved sister. I think real friends influence young people almost as much as parents do, and I would not be who I am except for Edie. I\u2019m thankful for the years I had with her, and I shall never understand why she had to be taken from me.\u201d Debbie broke down and wept again. One of the couples in the mourners\u2019 pew split so she could sit between them, and both put their arms around her shoulders to comfort her.<\/p>

Now the boy who had been sitting next to Debbie rose and went to the pulpit. Although he was considerably taller and his hair darker, Calvin could tell from their features that they were related. He also noted that the large man on Father Conley\u2019s other side was leaning forward. His fists were clenched with thumbs up, as though he were cheering the speaker on.<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019m Joshua Rabin,\u201d began the young man. \u201cThe person whose life we\u2019re celebrating here was my girlfriend. What that means on the inside \u2015 what such a friendship does to a person \u2015 I can\u2019t explain to anyone who doesn\u2019t already know. If you\u2019ve had the experience, you don\u2019t need an explanation. Debbie, who just spoke, is my sister, and I had known Eden as long as she. For most of those years I was the brother of a friend, nothing more. We didn\u2019t meet ready made. We were two trees growing side by side, indifferent to what our neighbor would mean to us one day. Then the sun came out, and in reaching for its light our branches became entwined. From that moment we knew we were striving for the same thing. This thing is not something you compete for, because the more you seek it the more there is. The supply is inexhaustible for those who want it. I was not ready for it, not ready for Eden, until I found who I am, until I opened my eyes and my soul and let love enter. The world is a place of immeasurable beauty. By chance or divine intervention, I don\u2019t know which, our separate paths converged in a magic moment of recognition, where we saw simultaneously the beauty of the world and each other\u2019s enchantment with it. We recognized it looking at the night sky and marveling at the immensity of time and space; we recognized it looking at the autumn leaves in their breathtaking colors; we recognized it walking in the woods and listening to total silence. The more we shared in witnessing beauty, the closer we became; and the closer I was to Eden, the closer I felt to the world. Mrs. Meld has made reference twice to Eden\u2019s gift to us; this was her gift to me. I would gladly have shared the rest of my life with her, loving her and together with her loving the world.<\/p>

\u201cEden was stricken almost five years ago with an illness that damaged her heart. The events that befell her after that, including the one that killed her,\u201d he paused, \u201cwere mishaps in the effort to keep the damage from getting worse. It has been said that she should not have died, that she need not have died. It is true, a person like her should not die. She had too much to give, and her death has left all of us, and me in particular, so much the poorer. But let us not be angry. Eden once said to me, \u2018I can\u2019t imagine how a person who truly loves another, who feels the ecstasy of loving, can hate anyone.\u2019 That is Eden\u2019s most precious gift of all.\u201d<\/p>

Joshua stepped down. The two middle-aged couples and Debbie rose. Each gave him a lingering embrace before he sat down between his mother and his sister. Ever so slowly, Mrs. Meld faced the audience. The silence was broken by the roll of thunder, coming in through the open church doors, accompanied by a gust of cool air. Soon the downpour was clearly audible. Relief spread through the sanctuary. It occurred to Father Conley that the life-sustaining rains, at last breaking the oppressive heat wave, symbolized the outpouring of emotion they had just witnessed. Joshua\u2019s words had cleansed the wounds of all of them, and life would go on.<\/p>

\u201cExcuse me, please,\u201d came the sudden request from Father Conley\u2019s right, and his large neighbor made his way to the aisle. As Mrs. Meld nodded her assent, he went to the pulpit.<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019m Roger Mack. I was a classmate of Josh Rabin\u2019s at Central. I never got to know Eden that well, but I do know Josh, and I knew how he felt about her. I remember teasing her, and how Josh came to her defense. Now I feel sorry for making fun. She must have been a very special girl, because Josh is a very special guy.\u201d He turned to the group in the front row. \u201cI only wish I could do something more than just be here.\u201d He stepped down and walked over to the mourners, shook the hands of the adults, and embraced Debbie and Josh.<\/p>

There were no more speakers. \u201cOur closing hymn is one hundred forty-two, \u201cImmortal Love.\u201d Let us stand and sing.\u201d During the last verse, she led the mourners to the door of the sanctuary. \u201cLet us hold hands with our neighbors. Let us accept the legacy this beautiful person left to us. Let our lives be governed by love, for one another and for the world. Amen.\u201d<\/p>

The crowd began to file out, and right away a bottleneck formed at the receiving line. Father Conley and Calvin, temporarily stuck in their pew, waited for a chance to step into the aisle. Father Conley turned to Roger Mack and said, \u201cThat was a very touching tribute by the boyfriend. I\u2019m sure your support means a lot to him. Where do you go to college?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cWestern Reserve. Josh\u2019s at Cornell. Eden would\u2019ve been a senior at Central next year.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cDid they live close to each other?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThe Rabins are on McCallum Street. Can\u2019t be far to the Averys. The girls hung out a lot together.\u201d Mack\u2019s willingness to talk suited Father Conley very well. As they entered the aisle, Calvin scanned the crowd. To his relief, and surprise, he did not see Rick Harmon. The Averys accepted his hand with looks so subtle that nobody could guess the relationship between them.<\/p>

~~~~~~~~~~<\/p>

\u201cCan you come up for a minute?\u201d Father Conley asked when they got back to St. Mary\u2019s. They sat in the priest\u2019s office. \u201cIt was hard to sit there,\u201d Calvin said. \u201cSo much mourning, so many tears, and here I am, the cause of it all, right in their midst, unrecognizable, like a spy.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThis is the first step in your journey, and it won\u2019t get easier. You\u2019re going to suffer along with them, identifying your grief with theirs. Peace will come to you only when it comes to them. That is your penance.\u201d He went on. \u201cA beautiful service. So unbound by ritual \u2015 and I hope the bishop doesn\u2019t have his ear to the wall. So personal, so human, and, well, so honest. Those people said exactly what they meant. They wanted to be there; just look at the numbers crowding in there in that awful heat. And that boyfriend. He\u2019s your man. A godsend.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019d thought about the minister, possibly.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cSo had I. But did you hear what the boyfriend said? \u2018Let us not be angry.\u2019 And obviously he\u2019s more than acceptable to the parents. The perfect bridge. Now you\u2019ll have to find out whether it\u2019ll carry your weight. But you\u2019re a lucky man, son. You\u2019ve got God on your side. He\u2019s showing you the way. Follow it.\u201d<\/p>

Calvin looked at the floor. \u201cThank you, Father. Just knowing what I have to do makes me feel better. Now I have to find Joshua Rabin. I wonder how many Rabins there are.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cTry McCallum Street.\u201d He took a moment to enjoy Calvin\u2019s expression. \u201cLoose talk in a public place. The kind your lawyers warn you against.\u201d<\/p>

~~~~~~~~~~<\/p>

The last of Eden\u2019s friends had left and the church was empty. The Rabins were waiting in their car. Alan turned to Sandra Meld. \u201cThank you so much, Mrs. Meld. It was a beautiful service. I couldn\u2019t imagine anything more appropriate. Edie would have appreciated it.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019m glad I could help. If you ever feel like attending one of our regular Sunday services, you\u2019ll be most welcome. No pressure. You\u2019ll meet friendly people, that\u2019s all. But wasn\u2019t Joshua\u2019s tribute wonderful? I do wish I\u2019d known Eden. It must have been a joy to see them together.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI feel so guilty,\u201d Karen said. Hearing echoes of Esther\u2019s words in Sandra\u2019s, she felt even more so. \u201cI tried to discourage Edie from getting serious. I thought she was too young, that she might do foolish things and ruin her chances for a career. Luckily she didn\u2019t pay much attention.\u201d A rueful smile crossed her face.<\/p>

Sandra placed a hand on her arm. \u201cIt\u2019s natural for a mother to worry, so don\u2019t feel guilty. And rejoice that she kept faith with her feelings. They knew how enriching their friendship was. And it doesn\u2019t end with Eden\u2019s death.\u00a0 She\u2019s given him the experience of loving, a gift that\u2019ll last a lifetime, and whoever becomes his wife will benefit from it.\u201d<\/p>

They said goodbye and the Averys hurried to their car, noticing that the rain had stopped. With the Rabins following, they drove to Felipe\u2019s Restaurant for dinner. The air was cool after the thunderstorm and, the hour being early, the proprietor accommodated their wish to have a table for six set up on the patio. Karen turned to Josh with tears in her eyes.<\/p>

\u201cJosh, your tribute to Edie was so wonderful. I want to thank you for being her friend. You talked about what she\u2019d given you. You must have given her something priceless too. I\u2019m sorry if I stood in your way. You were good for each other; I see that now.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI never felt you were standing in our way, Mrs. Avery. And I want to thank both of you, and you too, Debbie, and all the circumstances that made it possible for us to meet.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYes, Debbie,\u201d Karen said, \u201cwe all owe you a big debt. You were her best friend all along, and you, Esther and Max, were always so kind. We can never thank you enough.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIsn\u2019t it amazing,\u201d Max said, \u201chow a person influences others using only the power of friendship? And it isn\u2019t till she leaves us that we realize what she\u2019s added to our lives. We should all learn to appreciate each other more, not to take what we have for granted.\u201d<\/p>

Esther looked fondly at her husband; Alan studied his iced tea.<\/p>

\u201cI guess you\u2019ll be going back to Ithaca?\u201d Alan asked Josh.<\/p>

\u201cNot for a while. I feel the need for some family closeness. It\u2019s going to be very lonely up there. Maybe later in the summer.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIt would be good for us too if you stayed awhile, Josh,\u201d said Esther.<\/p>

\u201cAnd if you feel like you need something to fill the time, you could help in the lab,\u201d Max said. \u201cI\u2019m sure I could work it out with management.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cHow about Professor Ellsworth and your summer project?\u201d Esther asked.<\/p>

\u201cI already talked with him. He\u2019s been very understanding. Says I can take as much time as I need, and if the project isn\u2019t completed, I can continue during the fall term.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThen stay,\u201d Debbie said, putting her head on his shoulder. \u201cI need you too.\u201d<\/p>

Karen and Alan watched their uninhibited affection with envy. They, the bereaved, were struggling, each with their own complicated issues, unable to reach out to the other.<\/p>

~~~~~~~~~~<\/p>

Fortunately for the lawyers who anticipated being called on to defend the hospital, they could do most of their planning without Calvin McCrae. Had they known Calvin\u2019s state of mind, they might well have despaired of his help. He was not interested. In place of the legal process, he had generated a process all his own, and it had no place for lawyers. It also had no rules or precedent to guide him. He did not know where he was going, far less how he would get there. Out of his talk with Father Conley had emerged a foggy concept of the Averys reconciled to their loss with his help. But what did reconciliation mean? What would the Averys say, from which it could be inferred that they were reconciled to the loss of their daughter? How would he recognize that state? In short, what was he talking about?<\/em><\/p>

Without a tangible goal, he welcomed whatever clues and suggestions fell in his path. As he left Father Conley\u2019s office, his mood was brightened by the prospect of an intermediary in the person of Joshua Rabin. Still, all he had to look forward to was his own outreach, with no idea what might come of it. It was a fragile base on which to build optimism.<\/p>

At the same time, his parents had their own concerns about his future, not to mention its corollaries for them. His father, a construction foreman, took pride in Calvin, the first in three generations of Irish-Americans to rise to graduate-school education. His success had raised the standing of the family in the community. And typical of those risen to unaccustomed status, Eugene McCrae felt insecure. He had no experience to help him predict the likely consequences of Calvin\u2019s misadventure. But his anxieties had little in common with Calvin\u2019s. While Eugene was having nightmares about the family\u2019s disgrace, Calvin was fighting for his survival. He had told his parents what happened but not what he was suffering. Memories of past blunders, for which he felt they had never quite forgiven him, got in the way. At supper that evening, bowing his head as his father said grace, his mind was on how to make contact with Josh. So engrossed was he that he forgot to raise his head when grace was finished.<\/p>

\u201cCalvin,\u201d Marie said, trying to keep a straight face, \u201csupper is served.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cOh, sorry, Ma,\u201d Calvin said, his head jerking up. He began to eat.<\/p>

\u201cTell us about the service,\u201d Eugene said. \u201cWas there a big crowd?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIt was packed. Mostly people her age. One group sang a Beatles song.\u201d<\/p>

Marie looked perplexed. \u201cHow about the service itself? What did it consist of?\u201d<\/p>

Calvin produced a copy of the order of service and passed it across the table. \u201cThe eulogies were wonderful. The minister cried along with everybody else.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cCried? Never saw a priest cry,\u201d Eugene said.<\/p>

\u201cIt was a woman, not a priest. I guess their rules are different from ours.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cWhat denomination did you say it was?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cUnitarian Universalist. They don\u2019t worship God, that\u2019s about all I know.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cWell, who do they worship?\u201d Eugene asked.<\/p>

\u201cI don\u2019t know. The minister\u2019s name is on the program. She could tell you, I\u2019m sure.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI don\u2019t know as I\u2019d want to ask a female minister. It\u2019s like condoning the practice.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cMaybe,\u201d Marie said, \u201cit\u2019s OK in that church. What\u2019s right for Catholics doesn\u2019t have to be right for Uni \u2015 what did you say it was?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cUnitarian Universalist.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cOK. Whatever. Anyway, we can\u2019t have women priests in our church.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cWe have too few nuns as it is,\u201d Eugene said, giving strength to his wife\u2019s argument. \u201cIf they go running off to become priests, we won\u2019t have any at all.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou should have heard the eulogies, especially her boyfriend. He was magnificent. He must really have loved that girl.\u201d Calvin\u2019s voice broke.<\/p>

\u201cDidn\u2019t you tell us she was seventeen?\u201d Marie asked. \u201cThat\u2019s young to be so serious. Going steady, OK. But announcing it in church sounds almost like an engagement.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI don\u2019t know what anything means in that church,\u201d Eugene said.<\/p>

Calvin shrugged. \u201cI don\u2019t think they were engaged. But it sounded very genuine to me.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cDid you offer your condolences to the parents?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYes. I couldn\u2019t get out of it. We all had to pass that line. I\u2019m not sure her mother really wanted to give me her hand, but she had the grace not to refuse.\u201d<\/p>

Marie looked at him searchingly for a moment. \u201cCalvin, maybe I shouldn\u2019t be asking this. It must have been very hard for you. Why did you go?\u201d<\/p>

His father stopped chewing and fixed his eyes on Calvin as he awaited the answer. Calvin turned a pained expression on his mother.<\/p>

\u201cMa, I had to. I just had to.\u201d He shook his head and his voice broke as he said it. She put a comforting hand on his shoulder. Eugene was silent for a while, then said, \u201cYou did the right thing, son. I\u2019m proud of you.\u201d<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t

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Chapter 31 >><\/a><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

PART III It seemed as if the heat wave would never end. Sandra Meld hadn\u2019t intended to deceive the Averys about the lack of air-conditioning; she simply hadn\u2019t thought about it. As the sun rose once again into a hazy sky, she had mixed feelings about her omission: part regret, part sly hope that the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":21,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-326","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/326","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=326"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/326\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":848,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/326\/revisions\/848"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/21"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=326"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}