{"id":267,"date":"2016-09-05T12:27:34","date_gmt":"2016-09-05T16:27:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.herbheineman.com\/?page_id=267"},"modified":"2024-07-25T17:05:47","modified_gmt":"2024-07-25T21:05:47","slug":"chapter-23","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/edensgarden\/chapter-23\/","title":{"rendered":"Chapter 23: Listening Up Close"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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PART II<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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He woke and Eden wasn\u2019t there. In a panic he ran downstairs, and there she was at the stove, scrambling eggs. He chided himself. Without speaking, they sat facing each other. A half grapefruit smiled at them like the morning sun.\u00a0 As the lovers quietly went to work, a stream of juice squirted into Eden\u2019s face. Any other time they would have laughed. Now she stole a furtive glance at Josh and wiped off the juice. The squish of bursting fruit was the only sound till the toast popped up. Eden went to the counter and prepared their plates. Josh stared at her back, etching every line and curve into his memory, till forced to lower his eyes again.<\/p>

It could not last, the collision was inevitable. It almost happened when he looked up to thank her for refilling his cup. He held her gaze briefly \u2015 and still not a word crossed their lips. Eating was a silent refuge from which neither wanted to be the first to emerge, but a plate of scrambled eggs and toast would go only so far. And so, each considerate of the other, they finished at the same time. Again they looked up, each willing the other to say something.<\/p>

She opened the faucet and put her dishes in the sink. Then she returned for his. \u201cDone?\u201d It was not a conversation opener. He nodded mutely. She squeezed detergent into the water and began washing. After a minute he brought a forgotten knife to the sink and remained standing next to her. The faint scent of her hair reached his nostrils and he closed his eyes to recapture the darkness that had enveloped the sweetest experience of his life. Daylight had claimed its place in the progress of time but was powerless to sweep away that memory.<\/p>

\u201cEdie?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYes, Josh?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cSomeone has to go first,\u2014\u201d<\/p>

\u201c\u2014and we do have to talk, don\u2019t we?\u201d she finished, turning to him with a searching look.<\/p>

\u201cIt\u2019s so hard to think of the right thing to say.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI feel as if we\u2019d communicated in a different language, and now we\u2019re having trouble with the old. Or maybe there isn\u2019t anything left to say.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThere are endless things left to say.\u201d He took her arm and turned her to face him.<\/p>

\u201cWe know, don\u2019t we?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cJosh,\u201d she said, suddenly putting her wet, soapy hands around his neck, \u201cI wish we could feel like this for the rest of our lives. Is that possible?\u201d<\/p>

He put his hands on her waist and smiled. \u201cMy father\u2019s a chemist and my mother\u2019s a statistician. I\u2019ve drunk at that trough for eighteen years. Do you know what that means?\u201d<\/p>

She looked puzzled briefly, then broke out in a grin. \u201cYou\u2019re thinking percent probability or some such gobbledygook. Now that really is blasphemy! But statistics isn\u2019t all you drank at the trough. There\u2019s so much love in your home. When I see your parents together, I feel a warmth radiating from them. My parents aren\u2019t like that. They don\u2019t fight, they just seem to live together and get along. Did you inherit love also, along with the statistics?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI must have. I know what you mean about my parents. I want to have a relationship like that with my wife too. But for that I also have to inherit their luck and find the right partner.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIt\u2019s not only finding, Josh, it\u2019s recognizing. Can you recognize it if it stares you in the face?\u201d She stared, unsmiling, into his face.<\/p>

\u201cIf I had to decide right now, there wouldn\u2019t be a smidgen of doubt.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou\u2019re right to be cautious. You\u2019re more mature, and you do have that scientific streak.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI wish I didn\u2019t say things to disappoint you.\u00a0 Maybe I\u2019m all wrong in being so \u2018mature.\u2019\u201d<\/p>

\u201cNo, you\u2019re right. I\u2019m too emotional. And I\u2019m still feeling what happened during the night, and fantasizing that it would always be like that. Isn\u2019t that possible, Josh?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThe first time is a very special time.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cBut don\u2019t you think your parents enjoy each other as much now as they ever did?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cMaybe more. It has to have developed into something else, something lasting, something that includes all those years of love and companionship; the children they made together, in whom each sees the other; and, every time they look at each other, or just think of each other, knowing they made the right choice. Compared with them, we barely know each other.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cBut we have to start somewhere,\u201d she pleaded. \u201cYour parents did. So, OK, it is<\/em> different. And so are the leaves on your magnolia different from the flowers. But if you chop down the tree because the flowers won\u2019t last, you\u2019re not giving the leaves a chance to grow. All I know is that as we lay with each other, I felt such total love I can\u2019t find the words to describe it. I felt it coming out of every pore in my body, I felt it coming at me from all sides, I felt as if the whole world were love. I felt that all was wonderful, with everything, with everybody, and that through embracing you I was embracing the whole world. Of course, now it\u2019s day, there\u2019s a newspaper on the doorstep, and I know all\u2019s not well with the world. And you\u2019re right about there only being one first time. Next time . . .\u201d She stopped and looked into his eyes. He nodded. \u201c. . . it\u2019ll be different because of what we\u2019re saying here now. But please let the leaves grow, Josh. Please, please, let them grow.\u00a0 At least, don\u2019t chop down the tree.\u201d<\/p>

There were tears in her eyes now. He pulled her toward him and laid her head on his chest. It was a full minute before he spoke. \u201cEdie, you\u2019ve used a word neither of us has spoken up to now. A word with so much meaning that it takes courage to say it. You had that courage and I didn\u2019t. You name your feelings while I\u2019m studying mine. You\u2019re decisive while I\u2019m tiptoeing around in uncertainty. And you have the grace to say I\u2019m more mature. You\u2019re the mature one. You have the clarity of vision and the courage to act on it. I\u2019m ashamed.\u201d<\/p>

She lifted her head and looked up at him. Her eyes were dry now and she was surprised to see a hint of tears in his.<\/p>

\u201cDon\u2019t be, Josh,\u201d she said. \u201cIf it weren\u2019t for you, I\u2019d never be talking this way.\u201d<\/p>

He sighed. \u201cWhat an exquisite creature you are. There must be something right with your parents to have produced you!\u201d<\/p>

She smiled. \u201cI\u2019ll be sure to tell them.\u201d Then she became practical.<\/p>

\u201cLife goes on, and we can\u2019t stand here all day. Let me rinse your neck; it\u2019s soaked long enough. Then we\u2019ll get dressed and take a walk, depending on how much time we have.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cWhat do you mean, how much time? We have all day.\u201d<\/p>

Her look foretold the impact. \u201cI want to go home today.\u201d His face blanched.<\/p>

\u201cWhen did you decide that, Edie? What have I done? Did I say something to hurt you? Is it because I sounded overcautious? I can\u2019t stand the idea of your leaving now.\u201d<\/p>

She took his hands in hers. \u201cEverything you\u2019ve said and done is wonderful. This whole visit has been so . . . so full, so rich, so momentous,<\/em> I\u2019m in such a state over it, I need time to myself. If I stay, one thing\u2019ll happen on top of another and I\u2019ll be a nervous wreck.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cOh dear, dear Edie, I\u2019ll try. But I think the separation will make me<\/em> a nervous wreck.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cJust try to remember the last few hours. Can you imagine more wonderful memories to separate with? . . . Oh God, what a horrible word to use! But you know what I mean.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou have such a wonderful facility for recognizing things the way they are. Everything that\u2019s been building up the last couple of years, what we\u2019ve been seeing through a fog, now the sun\u2019s come out and it\u2019s there clear as day. Yes, it is momentous, there\u2019s no better way to put it. Maybe I need time too. Let\u2019s look at the bus schedule.\u201d<\/p>

They had three hours before the last bus that would get her home at a reasonable hour.<\/p>

\u201cLet\u2019s take a walk,\u201d he said. \u201cFunny, now that I think about it, I\u2019d like to walk in total silence. No more words today. Let\u2019s just hold hands.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cDo you remember Carpenter\u2019s Woods?\u201d she asked. \u201cWe didn\u2019t say anything for a long time then either.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cHow could I forget? Even then, you knew exactly what to say and do.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou see, Josh, I too can recognize beauty. I hope that\u2019s not the wrong word to apply to a man, but anything more \u2018masculine\u2019 just wouldn\u2019t fit. . . . But now I remember something else. Doctor Harmon says my murmur\u2019s got a little louder. I think they\u2019re setting me up for maybe needing surgery one of these days. I\u2019m not scared, and I don\u2019t want you to be either. Just be there when I wake up from anesthesia. That way I\u2019ll be all right. Will you promise?\u201d<\/p>

He was shaking his head in disbelief. \u201cI wish I could be as calm about it as you. Open-heart surgery. I don\u2019t care how good the surgeons are, it has to be dangerous.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIn that case, be there as they\u2019re putting me under. I want your voice to be the last I hear and I want you to hear me count. I think that\u2019s the way they tell when I\u2019m asleep.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI wish you didn\u2019t treat it so lightly!\u201d<\/p>

\u201cRealistically,\u201d she corrected him. \u201cBut I want you to listen. Do you remember how it sounded before?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cDon\u2019t tell me you brought the stethoscope along!\u201d<\/p>

\u201cNo, we don\u2019t need it. You can listen direct. Come upstairs.\u201d<\/p>

Uncertainly he followed her to the room where she had spent the first part of the night. \u201cAt least the bed\u2019s been slept in,\u201d he said, laughing. \u201cIn case someone suddenly walks in.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou know, it was a headache that woke me up. Sort of a hangover, I guess. Imagine what would have happened if I\u2019d slept the night through.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cOr what would not<\/em> have happened.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIsn\u2019t it amazing how the most important things happen by chance. If there hadn\u2019t been that thunderstorm, and the fresh air after it, who knows whether we\u2019d have taken that walk?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cAnd if the ground hadn\u2019t been sodden, how would it have ended?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cWith scratches on my back,\u201d she answered, \u201cwhich I\u2019d have had to explain away.\u201d<\/p>

She removed her bathrobe and began to open the buttons on her pajama tops.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cEdie,\u201d he stopped her. \u201cYou know I\u2019ve never seen you.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou may close your eyes if you\u2019re embarrassed. I\u2019m not. I want you to see me. I want you to listen to my murmur \u2015 without a stethoscope.\u201d And she removed the garment.<\/p>

He did not close his eyes and allowed his ear to be laid against her breast.<\/p>

\u201cYes, I hear it. But I can\u2019t tell if it\u2019s louder than before. I\u2019m not listening the same way.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cFrom now on that\u2019s the way you\u2019ll always listen, so you\u2019ll be able to compare. And I want you to hear the other sounds too. Here, I\u2019ll show you how they listen to the mitral valve. That\u2019s the other one that gets damaged in rheumatic fever, but mine\u2019s OK.\u201d<\/p>

She lifted her left breast and pressed his head against the ribs below it. The novelty of the sounds held his attention.<\/p>

\u201cThis sounds quite different,\u201d he said. \u201cThe first sound is really booming and louder than the second, the exact opposite from the way it sounds higher up.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cDo you hear any murmurs?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI don\u2019t think so. Well, I\u2019m not sure. Just before the first sound there\u2019s something real faint, lower pitched, sort of rumbling. I don\u2019t know. I\u2019m no doctor.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019d really like it if you became one. But that\u2019s not for me to say.\u201d<\/p>

Neither one moved or spoke for several seconds. Then he asked gingerly, \u201cMay I lie down next to you for a while? Who knows how long it\u2019ll be before we get another chance?\u201d<\/p>

Her look conveyed both longing and anxiety. \u201cJosh, I don\u2019t want to overdo it. If it looks as if I\u2019ve been teasing you, I didn\u2019t mean it that way. Please believe me. I want to be totally unashamed with you, and I know I want even more than that. But still I think we ought to hold back just a little. Is this going to be hard for you?\u201d<\/p>

He paused a mere instant. \u201cYes, it is, but your feelings are just as important as mine. I won\u2019t insist on anything you don\u2019t want to do.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThen take off your pajama top too \u2015 just the top, and lie down next to me.\u201d<\/p>

For the next quarter of an hour they lay in each other\u2019s arms, each discreetly exploring the length of the other\u2019s back but, by unspoken agreement, staying away from those areas that would have threatened their restraint. After one last kiss, he said softly:<\/p>

\u201cEdie, I think I\u2019m in love, and what a wonderful feeling it is.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cWouldn\u2019t it be wonderful if everyone were?\u201d she whispered back. \u201cThen there wouldn\u2019t be any wars or murders. I can\u2019t imagine how a person who truly loves another, who feels the ecstasy of loving, can hate anyone.\u201d<\/p>

There was nothing left to say. They got dressed and took a long walk, by the lake, in the park, through the campus, to the bus depot.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t

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<< Chapter 22<\/a><\/div>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Chapter 24 >><\/a><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

PART II He woke and Eden wasn\u2019t there. In a panic he ran downstairs, and there she was at the stove, scrambling eggs. He chided himself. Without speaking, they sat facing each other. A half grapefruit smiled at them like the morning sun.\u00a0 As the lovers quietly went to work, a stream of juice squirted […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":21,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-267","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/267","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=267"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/267\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":815,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/267\/revisions\/815"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/21"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=267"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}