{"id":264,"date":"2016-09-05T12:22:38","date_gmt":"2016-09-05T16:22:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.herbheineman.com\/?page_id=264"},"modified":"2024-07-25T17:00:33","modified_gmt":"2024-07-25T21:00:33","slug":"chapter-22","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/edensgarden\/chapter-22\/","title":{"rendered":"Chapter 22: The House on the Lake"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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PART II<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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The Rabins knew they were being possessive in not asking Eden over, but they didn\u2019t want her presence to distract Josh on his last day at home. Had she shown up uninvited, she would have been made welcome, but she acquiesced to Karen\u2019s urge not to go.<\/p>

Josh hadn\u2019t even left, and already Max and Esther felt the emptiness. His spirits were just as low, but he wasn\u2019t thinking of his family \u2015 the promise of campus life made up for leaving them. His problem was leaving Eden. How could letters and long-distance calls make up for the casual visits, the dates, the comforting knowledge of her proximity?<\/p>

He did not wait for her to come over next morning. \u201cDon\u2019t get stuck,\u201d Max called after him. \u201cIthaca is five hours away \u2015 assuming no traffic.\u201d Josh knew it only too well.<\/p>

Eden herself answered the doorbell. For a moment they looked at each other. \u201cWe\u2019re leaving,\u201d he said. Karen came to meet him. How complicated life was! She liked Josh, yet she feared him. She sympathized with the Rabins for their painful transition, yet she\u2019d breathe easier when he was gone. But she mustn\u2019t let her ambivalence show. He\u2019d done nothing to deserve her slight, and she admonished herself that nothing less than sincere good wishes would do. As an afterthought, she suggested that Eden walk him back to his house. This gesture made her feel more generous and shielded her from witnessing their good-bye.<\/p>

She had no illusions that her respite would be other than temporary. Josh would be back. Worse, his presence in Eden\u2019s thoughts would continue uninterrupted. If only this relationship would go away! But Karen had to deal with it. Rather, she had to deal with herself. She tried to believe that if Eden were six or seven years older, she\u2019d be smiling on the prospect of her daughter\u2019s marriage to this most attractive young man. But remembering her private tears at the bridge party, she knew Eden\u2019s age was only a pretext. Karen had married at twenty-four, surely old enough. And look at her now. Was there no way to protect her daughter from the mistake she\u2019d made? Was it her place even to try? Judging by her school record, Eden didn\u2019t have her mother\u2019s ambition. Was that bad? What if she pressured Eden to take Bobbie\u2019s path? At least Bobbie had made her own choice. She had stood up to her husband\u2019s demand; Karen had capitulated to hers. If only she could trade places with Bobbie, just on a trial basis. But that made no sense. Bobbie\u2019s unhappiness was no less than hers, it was just different<\/em>.<\/p>

\u201cDoesn\u2019t your mother work today?\u201d Josh asked after they had walked a block.<\/p>

\u201cShe was late. She\u2019s probably gone by now.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIf she hadn\u2019t been home, I\u2019d have wanted to say good-bye inside.\u201d<\/p>

Eden was silent. He turned to her suddenly. \u201cCan\u2019t we go back, just for a few minutes?\u201d<\/p>

She looked away and shook her head. \u201cPlease don\u2019t ask. I can only say no once.\u201d<\/p>

He nodded. \u201cThen no it is. I accept.\u201d To prove he really meant it, he took her hand in his.<\/p>

\u201cThank you for feeling that way, for being the way you are. If we were alone in that house, I\u2019m afraid it would be as if the ground hadn\u2019t been wet.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI can wait,\u201d he said, \u201cand we should. We have time. You wouldn\u2019t believe how often I think of that first date. When I put my hand on your arm, that was the first time I\u2019d ever touched you. I just sat in the car when I got home, feeling the sensation all over again. Imagine! Touching your arm. Doesn\u2019t sound like much, does it? But what that touch did to me! I\u2019m not one bit embarrassed to tell you, even if it sounds crazy. Then you took my hand, and I asked myself, how does it happen that your hand feels so different from all other hands?\u201d<\/p>

Eden had begun to nod slowly and emphatically. \u201cI know exactly what you\u2019re saying, because I felt the same way. I wonder if it\u2019s always like that. I mean, if one person finds the touch of another so unique, does it automatically work the other way too?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI don\u2019t know. But when it does, I think it says something about those two people.\u201d<\/p>

When she realized he was not about to say more, she sighed softly. \u201cOh Josh, . . .\u201d she began, but she too did not continue. She pressed his hand tightly.<\/p>

\u201cWhat happened in the woods,\u201d Josh said, \u201cwe may look back years from now and say it was the most meaningful conversation we ever had. Even though there were so few words.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cWe said so much without words. I never had any idea a kiss would feel like that. Now I realize the kiss was also a touching unique to us and there was a connecting through it.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI believe that,\u201d Josh said. \u201cAnd when you took my hand to feel your heart.\u201d He paused. \u201cI would never have dared to do that.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI know you wouldn\u2019t. You\u2019re too much of a gentleman.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIt has nothing to do with being a gentleman,\u201d he said. \u201cIt\u2019s because it\u2019s you.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI know, Josh, but I wanted to feel your hand there. I was afraid you might think it\u2019s improper. That\u2019s why I did that thing about feeling your heart, so you could feel mine too.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou play the sweetest tricks, Edie! What\u2019ll you come up with next?\u201d<\/p>

They had arrived at the Rabins. The door was open and the car was loaded.<\/p>

\u201cWrite to me as soon as you\u2019re alone, Josh, will you?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019ll phone.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cOK, but write too. I can read your letters in private, and I can read them over again when I miss you most.\u201d They stood facing each other in the driveway, then embraced for a full ten seconds. Slowly they backed from each other and Josh went into the house. Eden watched him disappear through the door and was turning to go home when Debbie came out.<\/p>

\u201cYou must be about ready to go,\u201d Eden said. \u201cI hope I didn\u2019t keep Josh too long.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019m<\/em> ready to go, but Josh bugged out before he was. He was afraid you\u2019d get here first and he wouldn\u2019t have any time alone with you. Want to walk around the block?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cOK, I\u2019m in no hurry to get home.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019m so happy for you and Josh. I just wanted to tell you.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIt\u2019s jumping the gun to talk like that, don\u2019t you think?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019m not suggesting anything that isn\u2019t so. If you get married, it\u2019ll make all of us happy. We\u2019ve been like sisters for so long, you\u2019re already practically a member of the family. And even if you don\u2019t, just having a friendship like between you two is so wonderful. When I look at Josh, I don\u2019t see a boy dating, or even going steady; I see someone in love.\u201d<\/p>

Eden tried to laugh. \u201cWhat makes you say that? I mean, how do you tell the difference?\u201d<\/p>

Debbie did laugh. \u201cI\u2019ve got it all figured out. Dating is totally casual. You\u2019re interested in the activities you\u2019re doing together. Going steady is a relationship, but it\u2019s like telling others, Hands off, this one\u2019s mine. There\u2019s this sense of owning, but not a whole lot of giving. Now being in love is way beyond that. What makes it different is wanting to give. If I were in love, I\u2019d get more pleasure out of giving to my boyfriend than getting something from him. In fact, I think that\u2019s what love is: The urge to give, coming from deep inside you. Want to hear more?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYes! How did you ever figure it out?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cImagination. I\u2019m paving the way now, so when the time comes I won\u2019t be all confused and uncertain like you are. But you wanted more. OK. I think that two people in love not only have this special relationship, but their personalities change. Josh has become unbelievably nice. I mean, to me. He seems real happy, and I think happy people are nice to others.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cWhat do your parents say? Do they think he\u2019s getting too serious? Mom thinks I am.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cMy parents are crazy about you. They always have been. I don\u2019t know how serious they think this is. Maybe they\u2019re just happy for Josh, like I am, for however long it lasts. The subject of marriage never comes up. If it did come to that, there\u2019d be the religious issue, you not being Jewish, and I don\u2019t know how they\u2019d feel about that. Maybe I should ask them.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cFor God\u2019s sake, don\u2019t let them get the idea that it\u2019s me who wants to know.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cDon\u2019t yell, Edie. The neighbors will hear you! And don\u2019t worry. I\u2019ll be careful. And if I get an answer, I won\u2019t tell you \u2015 just to keep it clean. OK?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cOh, you\u2019re terrible.\u201d Eden laughed. \u201cBut that\u2019s all right, I really don\u2019t need to know.\u201d<\/p>

They walked for a while in silence. \u201cYou\u2019re all being so nice to me about this, especially you. I feel I\u2019ve neglected you, but if it hadn\u2019t been for us being friends in the first place . . . \u201d<\/p>

\u201cDon\u2019t worry about me,\u201d Debbie answered, \u201cThe only thing I hold against you is that you don\u2019t have a brother. Then I could get even!\u201d<\/p>

They walked back to the Rabins\u2019, arms around each other\u2019s waist. Esther was at the door.<\/p>

\u201cHave a safe trip,\u201d Eden said, and turned to go. She didn\u2019t want to see Josh get in the car.<\/p>

The moment she arrived home she began her first letter.<\/p>

~~~~~~~~~~<\/p>

They saw each other at Thanksgiving and Christmas, and bridged the intervals with letters and phone calls. Without visible attachment, Eden received invitations to parties and dates, most of which she accepted. Debbie proved her theory of dating. \u201cSee? Just activities.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cAbsolutely right. Not the slightest interest in ownership! And giving? Forget it.\u201d<\/p>

Karen was heartened by her daughter\u2019s social activity and unconcerned about its quality. \u201cI\u2019m pleased with the way Edie\u2019s come out. I was afraid she\u2019d sit around and mope,\u201d she said to Alan.<\/p>

\u201cIt is healthier,\u201d Alan replied, \u201cbut I don\u2019t know what\u2019s behind it \u2015 whether they agreed to give each other freedom, whether she\u2019s doing it to keep her mind off him, or to keep us off her back. It\u2019s hard to ask. Maybe we were too disapproving. We may have put up a wall\u2014\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou don\u2019t have to share the blame for that,\u201d Karen said testily. \u201cI was the one\u2014\u201d<\/p>

\u201cBut that was at the bridge party. She didn\u2019t hear that.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019ve told her as well.\u00a0 Anyway, let\u2019s be practical. With all that dating, it\u2019s time to talk about contraception.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cDon\u2019t you think she knows all she needs to?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cProbably. But I want her to know we\u2019re not prudes and she can be open with us.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI have no objection to that. Now who does it, you as mother or I as doctor?\u201d<\/p>

Karen smiled. \u201cYou as father aren\u2019t in the running?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cNo. Let\u2019s have a son and I\u2019ll talk to him about sex. Mothers are for girls.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI guess it\u2019s me, then. Let Rick be the doctor.\u201d<\/p>

Next day Karen sat on Eden\u2019s bed.\u00a0 Eden turned from her desk to face her. \u201cEdie,\u201d Karen held her head high, \u201cI want to talk with you about the pill.\u201d She exhaled a large surplus of air.<\/p>

Eden waited. She knew her mother wasn\u2019t talking about sulfa.<\/p>

\u201cYou\u2019ve been going out a lot lately, and I\u2019m really glad to see that. It\u2019s healthy.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou didn\u2019t expect me to?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI wasn\u2019t sure. What with you and Josh being so attached to each other.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cLife goes on, Mom,\u201d Eden said. \u201cI don\u2019t expect Josh to crawl into a hole and he doesn\u2019t expect me to. We\u2019re being healthy, as you say.\u201d<\/p>

Karen smiled feebly. \u201cVery well. Anyway, you\u2019re seeing a lot of boys now. Dad and I want you to know that we\u2019re realistic and nonjudgmental.\u00a0 If you want to get something from Doctor Harmon, or whoever he sends you to, it\u2019s OK. Or have you already asked him?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cNo, Mom, I haven\u2019t,\u201d Eden answered wearily, \u201cbut if it\u2019ll make you and Dad feel better I will. I want to be honest with you. First of all, Josh and I have never come close to needing any such thing. That\u2019s not what we do together\u2014\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI know, dear,\u201d Karen said, not sure who was on the defensive, \u201cand it isn\u2019t Josh I was thinking of\u2014\u201d<\/p>

\u201c\u2014and second, the other boys I\u2019ve met so far aren\u2019t going to get near me. I hope you won\u2019t think this unhealthy, but my virginity is a matter of self-respect. I intend to hold on to it until I find a boy that I can respect equally.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cRespect?\u201d <\/em><\/p>

\u201cI can\u2019t love someone I don\u2019t respect.\u201d<\/p>

Now Karen regretted her admonitions. She didn\u2019t dare ask Eden what she felt for Josh, lest she get an answer like \u201cYou\u2019ve already told me what I am and am not allowed to feel.\u201d<\/p>

She left the room feeling she had done what she set out to do and still failed somehow.<\/p>

Eden\u2019s anger was short-lived. Her mother\u2019s embarrassment wasn\u2019t her problem. She was turning back to her desk when suddenly her chair stopped in mid-swivel. Yes, I will see Doctor Harmon! I\u2019ll tell him Mom sent me! \u201cAll those boys I\u2019m going out with. You know how it is.\u201d<\/p>

Josh didn\u2019t come home in the spring because he was working on a project that promised him summer employment too. When his parents showed up in Ithaca without Eden \u2015 because her break didn\u2019t coincide with his \u2015 there was no hiding his disappointment.<\/p>

\u201cIt\u2019s a good thing Edie goes to camp all summer,\u201d Max observed on the drive home.<\/p>

\u201cIs it good for us, or what did you have in mind?\u201d Esther asked.<\/p>

\u201cThis project\u2019s an opportunity for Josh, and I\u2019d hate for him to have any conflict over it.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou remind me of Karen. That\u2019s her big issue, isn\u2019t it? Career versus personal life. It\u2019s so obvious she thinks she made the wrong choice. I feel so sorry for her. And I don\u2019t see how she can avoid showing her resentment where Edie can see it. There\u2019s a limit to a person\u2019s ability to keep their feelings under wraps. It worries me.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cEdie\u2019s not our child, you know.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cOh, come on, Max! You know we both love that girl.\u201d<\/p>

Max looked fondly at his wife. \u201cDo you ever think of your decision being wrong?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cNever, never, never. I\u2019m so happy, I can\u2019t stand people I like being unhappy. It warms my heart to see Josh and Edie together. But Karen sees only problems. It\u2019s so sad. Good God! The phantoms she conjures up: commitment, children, and her career going \u2018poof\u2019!\u201d<\/p>

\u201cDo you really think my concern about Josh\u2019s summer work is like that?\u201d Max asked.<\/p>

\u201cNot really. You\u2019re being realistic. Josh\u2019s thing is concrete, and it\u2019s now, not six years from now. Still, I\u2019m not sure I\u2019d find the choice that easy if it were up to me. I might encourage the relationship even at the expense of the project. But that might be wrong.\u201d<\/p>

~~~~~~~~~~<\/p>

For the duration of the summer project, Professor Ellsworth and his wife invited Josh to stay in their house. Josh was only too happy to help Mrs. Ellsworth in the kitchen, and to cash in on the goodwill he engendered thereby. \u201cMrs. Ellsworth,\u201d he asked after he\u2019d been there a week, \u201cI have a friend back home who\u2019s going to be a senior in high school. She\u2019s talked about Cornell. Do you think I could ask her up for a few days before she goes to camp? It\u2019s so beautiful this time of year, seeing it would sell her for sure. We\u2019d pay the expenses, of course.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cHow do her parents feel about this?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI haven\u2019t said anything, not even to her. I wanted to ask you first.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cHmm,\u201d Mrs. Ellsworth said. \u201cWe\u2019ll be gone the week of June twelfth. We wouldn\u2019t want her parents to have cause for worry, so it should be before then. Don\u2019t you agree, Toby?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYes. At least we should be here when she arrives. Naturally, if she likes the scenery so much that she wants to stay on a while, I\u2019d hate to evict her just because we\u2019re leaving.\u201d<\/p>

Mrs. Ellsworth looked at her husband reprovingly. \u201cPlease, Toby, show some concern for the reputation of the university, and yours too. I don\u2019t think I like what you\u2019re suggesting.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cSo right, Ann,\u201d Professor Ellsworth said. \u201cLet the record show that I\u2019m properly concerned for the reputation of the university, and mine too. So,\u201d turning to Josh, \u201cif said contingency arises, we expect you both to conduct yourselves with dignity and decorum.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cWe always have, sir, and ma\u2019am, and thanks ever so much.\u201d<\/p>

Next day Josh called Eden with the news. \u201cThat sounds fantastic! No one\u2019s home, but I can\u2019t imagine Mom and Dad objecting, so long as your professor\u2019s there. Meeting him could give me a boost, if I make a good impression. You can coach me. I\u2019ll call you.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cRemember, dignity and decorum.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019ll remember it as long as I live.\u201d She hung up. Later that evening she told her parents. Alan looked at Karen, as if this were for a girl\u2019s mother to decide. Karen looked back at him.<\/p>

\u201cThere\u2019s no medical contraindication,\u201d he said. \u201cWhat\u2019s the living situation?\u201d He came perilously close to reminding her not to miss her daily sulfa.<\/p>

\u201cHe\u2019s staying at Professor Ellsworth\u2019s house. They have a bunch of spare bedrooms because their kids are gone. Josh is in one and I guess they\u2019ll offer me one of the others.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cAre the Ellsworths home?\u201d asked Karen.<\/p>

Eden read her thoughts. They were perfectly reasonable, and she chided herself for being irritated. \u201cYes. I\u2019ll get to meet him. If he likes me, he may give me a good reference.\u201d<\/p>

Alan turned to her with interest. \u201cI didn\u2019t know you\u2019d decided to try for Cornell.\u201d<\/p>

Karen threw him a glance that said, \u201cReally now, you can\u2019t possibly be that na\u00efve.\u201d Eden read it too, and again she bit her tongue. \u201cI haven\u2019t decided. But this is a good chance to get a look at the campus. And meeting a professor in his own home really is a bonus.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou have a point,\u201d Alan said. \u201cWhat do you say, Karen?\u201d<\/p>

Karen sighed. \u201cIt\u2019s hard to argue with what you said. It does sound like an opportunity. I\u2019m not too crazy about the other part, but I can live with it.\u201d<\/p>

For the third time Eden reined in her gut reaction. Stop, stop! she told herself. Mom has already answered, don\u2019t challenge her.<\/p>

Next Tuesday she took the bus to Ithaca.<\/p>

~~~~~~~~~~<\/p>

She spent the first three days visiting Josh\u2019s laboratory, exploring the town on her own while he worked, and walking around the deserted campus with him.<\/p>

\u201cThis place is gorgeous,\u201d she said again and again, looking down on the lake. \u201cHow different from the city. Do you think it would be fun living up here?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIt\u2019s fabulous in the summer, but it gets cold and dreary in the winter. I think I like Philadelphia better in the winter and Ithaca better in the summer.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIt would be nice for vacations.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou haven\u2019t seen the best yet. This weekend we\u2019re going to do some driving.\u201d<\/p>

The Ellsworths were charmed with their young guest. Through their dinner conversations they learned about Eden\u2019s parents and the highlights of her own history.<\/p>

\u201cYou\u2019re in love with this girl, aren\u2019t you?\u201d Professor Ellsworth said next day in the lab.<\/p>

Josh protested. \u201cWe\u2019re old friends. Eden and my sister Debbie have been skating buddies since the world began. So we\u2019re like family.\u201d<\/p>

Ellsworth gave a short laugh. \u201cWell, I won\u2019t extract any confessions. But the way you look at her when she talks to my wife. This old man notices things like that.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI don\u2019t bother analyzing it. We go out together and we have a good time.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cGood, that\u2019s the best way. When you\u2019re ready to call it by its real name, you will.\u201d<\/p>

Mrs. Ellsworth was more discreet. \u201cDo you think you might want to go to Cornell?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIt\u2019s a beautiful place,\u201d Eden answered, \u201cbut I haven\u2019t looked anywhere else, so I can\u2019t honestly say. I hope I\u2019m not hurting my chances talking like this. I\u2019ve heard that if you want to get into a first-class college you should say you\u2019re not interested in any other place.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIt\u2019s a myth. Naturally we\u2019d like you to really want us, but we\u2019re also realistic, and most students aren\u2019t going to get in. We know when they\u2019re just saying what they think we want to hear. Take my advice and be honest. If Cornell wants you, they\u2019ll offer you admission.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThat would certainly be easier for me,\u201d Eden said. \u201cI don\u2019t like to make things up.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cOK. Now that we\u2019ve agreed on forthrightness, I\u2019ll ask you a question you may not want to answer, and you don\u2019t have to. To what extent are you influenced by Josh\u2019s presence here?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou\u2019re very observant, Mrs. Ellsworth. I like being where Josh is.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou don\u2019t need to say more.\u201d Mrs. Ellsworth placed her hands on Eden\u2019s shoulders. \u201cI\u2019m a librarian and I have no say over admissions. If I did, I\u2019d say that young people who love each other ought to be together. The admissions committee would never consider that. They see every student as an individual. But I think they\u2019re missing something. When good friends study together, they help each other and they both do better. What\u2019s more, they don\u2019t have to use their energies \u2018playing the field.\u2019 Now there\u2019s a wonderful expression.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cAre you encouraging young people like me to commit themselves to each other?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cCommitment means recognizing compatibility and valuing it enough to give up a certain amount of freedom for it. Age does have something to do with it. But if you look at age alone, there are a lot of twenty-five-year olds \u2015 make that thirty-five, forty-five \u2015 who don\u2019t seem to know what it\u2019s about. Just look at the divorce rate. I\u2019m not saying you should get married and start a family. With career choices still ahead of you, that would be unwise. On the other hand, if you feel committed emotionally, more power to you. A lot of people would envy you.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cMy mother thinks I\u2019m too involved.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThat, my dear, is how mothers talk. I should know, because I\u2019m one too. It\u2019s called protecting your young \u2015 or not letting them grow up.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cMom\u2019s a lawyer. She has this friend at the office who started after Mom did and who\u2019s been a partner now at least ten years. Mom only works part time and I don\u2019t think her career\u2019s going anywhere. I wonder if she doesn\u2019t wish she\u2019d been successful like her friend.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cDo you think there\u2019s a connection with what we were talking about?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cHer friend never had children. Maybe having me got in the way of Mom\u2019s career.\u201d<\/p>

Mrs. Ellsworth shrugged and pursed her lips. \u201cPeople make choices. I was heading for a doctorate in English when I got married. Now I\u2019m a librarian and I have three children. I\u2019m happy with my choice, but if I had to do it over again, I\u2019d be just as ambivalent as I was then. Some people manage both, but it\u2019s a mistake to think everyone can. I didn\u2019t think I could.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cJosh\u2019s mother worked at home when he and his sister were young.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThat\u2019s no way to success either. She also made a choice. That makes four of us. All women, you\u2019ll notice. But that\u2019s changing. When your time comes, you can ask your husband, \u2018Why me? You<\/em> decide whether to work or baby-sit!\u2019 Ask Josh what he thinks of that!\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou know, Mrs. Ellsworth,\u201d Eden said after they had finished laughing, \u201cthe way you say things, they don\u2019t sound threatening at all.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cBeing a teenager\u2019s threatening enough. I\u2019d rather be helpful. Anyway, to get practical, as long as you\u2019re up here, you must see the local sights. The Finger Lakes is a fascinating region. Make Josh show you. I don\u2019t know how many days you have. But Toby and I are leaving for Atlanta Saturday. We\u2019ll ask Josh to drive us to the airport and then he can use my car.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI don\u2019t know how to thank you. I\u2019d love to stay the weekend, because Josh won\u2019t be working and we can go on a trip, maybe one each day. And I\u2019ll leave early next week.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019ll leave it to you to deal with the question of chaperoning, or lack thereof. We don\u2019t assume that responsibility just because we lend you our house.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cOh, Mrs. Ellsworth, nobody would have any right to expect that of you. You\u2019ve been so wonderful to both of us, the least we can do is not embarrass you.\u201d<\/p>

~~~~~~~~~~<\/p>

Eden knew nothing of upper New York State. Now she turned to Josh in delight: \u201cThey really do look like fingers. What a stroke of genius, whoever came up with that name!\u201d<\/p>

\u201cSomebody once said that God laid his hand down here and these are his fingerprints.\u201d<\/p>

Eden looked intently at the map, then counted the lakes using her index finger. \u201cEnough fingers here for two hands. Did God put both hands down?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI think the whole notion is not very flattering to God, unless He has fingers of ice.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cMeaning,\u201d Eden said, \u201cthat the lakes were formed by glaciers?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cRight. These are glacial valleys. The sides are very steep and they go way down. Seneca Lake, the next one over, is more than a mile deep.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThis is fantastic,\u201d Eden said. \u201cThe shapes, the legends, the geology.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cNow think about this,\u201d Josh said, \u201cThe last ice in these parts melted only ten thousand years ago \u2015 give or take a couple thousand. In geology that\u2019s nothing. Meanwhile, someplace or other they\u2019ve discovered hieroglyphics dating back to almost 2000 B.C. That\u2019s four thousand years ago! Imagine, recorded human history and geologic history that close!\u201d<\/p>

\u201cMostly you think of civilization in terms of a few thousand years, and geologic history in millions. But here they are, practically coming together.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIt gets even better. Did you know that some of the glaciers in Alaska are changing so fast you can measure the difference every single year? That\u2019s geologic history in the making.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI had no idea!\u201d<\/p>

Josh covered the map to claim her undivided attention. \u201cDo you remember seeing stars even though they might not exist any more? That was also a matter of time.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cSo now we\u2019ve come from light years\u2014\u201d<\/p>

\u201cMillions of light years\u2014\u201d<\/p>

\u201c\u2014millions of light years to one year. How far can we go in the other direction?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cTry dividing one second by ten to the fortieth power.\u201d<\/p>

Eden squeezed her forehead. \u201cThat\u2019s impossible,\u201d she said decisively.<\/p>

\u201cThat\u2019s the sort of interval astronomers talk about when the universe was just beginning. You know, the Big Bang.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou know, Josh, grappling with concepts like that in the evening, and next morning driving around the countryside thinking only how beautiful it is. I don\u2019t quite know what I\u2019m trying to say, but there\u2019s something about that switch that grabs me.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYes. The one is thinking, trying to understand. And the other is feeling, letting it wash over you. Two kinds of experience. They sound so different, but there must be a connection. Maybe there\u2019s a whole range of experiences, thinking at one end and feeling at the other. It sounds crazy, but thinking<\/em> about those numbers makes me feel<\/em> excited. How does that work?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI like your idea of range,\u201d she said. \u201cIt\u2019s just like the range of time intervals\u2014\u201d<\/p>

\u201cAnd size intervals too. The universe also has physical dimensions\u2014\u201d<\/p>

\u201cAnd so do atoms\u2014\u201d<\/p>

\u201cAnd subatomic particles.\u201d<\/p>

By now they were bursting with laughter. When they were through venting their mirth, they made the quantum leap to what was happening between them.<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019ve never met anyone I could have so much fun just talking with,\u201d Josh said. \u201cIt\u2019s not only sharing the subject matter\u2014\u201d<\/p>

\u201cLet me finish. It\u2019s that we both get so wound up and we feed on each other\u2019s craziness.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYes,\u201d he said. \u201cNot to mention that you know what I have in mind before I say it.\u201d<\/p>

Next morning Josh drove the Ellsworths to the airport, taking Eden along for the ride.<\/p>

\u201cIf you want to sit on the deck after dark,\u201d Professor Ellsworth said, \u201cthe light switch is at the top of the steps, inside the door. Of course, if the bugs bother you, you may want to turn the lights off.\u201d Mrs. Ellsworth cast him a sideways glance. With unassailable innocence, he added, \u201cLight does attract insects. Good thing for biology students to know.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cLight also attracts the neighbors\u2019 curiosity,\u201d Mrs. Ellsworth replied. \u201cThat would be even more annoying, wouldn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>

Professor Ellsworth reminded Eden of Mr. Rabin. She wondered whether Josh noticed the resemblance, and whether it had anything to do with the rapport between teacher and student.<\/p>

\u201cToby,\u201d asked Mrs. Ellsworth, \u201cdo the Rockwells still have their rowboat?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cGreat idea. Their number\u2019s on our Rolodex. Tell them you\u2019re our houseguests. If they give you life jackets, wear them. In case you rock the boat.\u201d<\/p>

After lunch they drove the scenic route along the western shore of Cayuga Lake to Seneca Falls. There they visited Women\u2019s Rights National Historical Park.<\/p>

\u201cSo this is where it started,\u201d Eden said, as they walked through the house where Elizabeth Cady Stanton had lived. \u201cImagine who stood right here a hundred years ago.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cAmelia Bloomer, maybe?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cDid she wear those things in the summer too?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIn those days people dressed year round for winter. If you look at old photos, all you see is faces and hands. The rest is a shapeless bundle of clothes.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cNot completely shapeless,\u201d Eden corrected him. \u201cJust enough to fire the imagination. Don\u2019t you think that\u2019s better than showing everything?\u201d<\/p>

He wasn\u2019t sure it was better<\/em>, but he couldn\u2019t deny that seeing her on the step stool, all bundled up, had fired his imagination. When they got back, enough daylight remained for an hour\u2019s rowing before dinner. Mr. Rockwell insisted on their wearing lifejackets.<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019m an old lawyer, you know,\u201d he joked, \u201cso just sign this waiver if you please.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI would,\u201d Eden countered, \u201cexcept my mother is also an old lawyer and she wouldn\u2019t approve of my signing a blank sheet of paper.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cMartha, here quick!\u201d Mrs. Rockwell appeared, carrying a pair of pruning shears.<\/p>

\u201cNo, we don\u2019t need those,\u201d he said to her. \u201cJust witness that I am herewith advising this lawyer\u2019s daughter and her friend to wear life jackets.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cSo witnessed,\u201d she answered dryly, winked at Eden, and returned to her work.<\/p>

Mr. Rockwell turned to Josh. \u201cThe boat doesn\u2019t take on much water and it\u2019s pretty stable. But I\u2019d prefer if you didn\u2019t change places while you were out there.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cOK,\u201d Eden said and turned to Josh. \u201cI guess that means you row. It\u2019s the man\u2019s job.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cWhat! After Seneca Falls!\u201d<\/p>

\u201cAha\u201d said Mr. Rockwell. \u201cYou\u2019re fresh from that trip. In that case, you\u2019re going to have to flip a coin. We don\u2019t allow sex discrimination any more.\u201d<\/p>

They flipped and Josh rowed. Eden lay back in the boat, her legs on the seat, and looked up at the cloudless sky. \u201cCamp was never like this,\u201d she said.<\/p>

\u201cOur first time in a boat,\u201d spoke the disembodied voice from the other side of her knees.<\/p>

\u201cThere\u2019ll be other firsts. Our first weekend together. No parents anywhere near. My first trip to upstate New York. What else?\u201d<\/p>

There were several seconds of silence. \u201cJust about everything.\u201d<\/p>

They ate at a family restaurant and walked to Stewart Park, at the south end of the lake. The sun was setting as they approached a lawn with a bandstand at one end. Musicians were milling around among the music stands, and food vendors were doing a brisk business. Eden and Josh stood and watched for a while, till the musicians took their places and began to play dance tunes. Josh offered his hand to Eden and they joined the other couples on the lawn.<\/p>

\u201cNo ice skates,\u201d Josh said.<\/p>

\u201cNo parquet floor either. I thought at least we\u2019d be indoors the next time. January seems like a century ago, doesn\u2019t it? And this is so beautiful\u201d She moved her left hand behind his shoulder and laid her cheek on his chest. By the time they left, it was dark and they could barely make out the stars above the treetops.<\/p>

They walked back to the house in silence. \u201cThank you so much for fixing it that I could come up. I\u2019ve never had such a wonderful time. And there\u2019s all day tomorrow yet. I won\u2019t even ask what we\u2019re doing. I just know whatever you\u2019ve planned, it\u2019s going to be perfect.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou spent all those hours on the bus just to get here. Having you visit is a gift.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIt\u2019s still warm,\u201d he said at the door. \u201cHow about sitting on the deck?\u201d<\/p>

They sat on the chaise longue. The only sound was water lapping at the pebbled beach.<\/p>

\u201cIt\u2019s sacrilegious to break this silence,\u201d she said. \u201cBut I have to tell you how wonderful it is to just sit here, listening to these little sounds. If it were dark we\u2019d hear them even better.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cAnd with fewer bugs.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cAnd fewer nosy neighbors.\u201d<\/p>

Josh skipped up the steps to turn off the light, slowly felt his way back down, and sat next to her. He put his arm around her and drew her close. As she laid her head on his shoulder, he smelled the scent of her hair. His thoughts wandered along a familiar path. Would the same brand of shampoo smell the same in another girl\u2019s hair? No, couldn\u2019t be.<\/p>

For an eternity they listened languidly to the dark-enhanced sounds of the lake. Then she placed her hand on his knee and said, \u201cIf my mother could see us now, she\u2019d make me hitch a ride home without waiting for the next bus.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cAnd you, Edie, are you OK? Sitting here like this is also a first. Are you worried?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cOh Josh, I feel I\u2019m being torn in two directions. I know exactly what I want, but I\u2019m also afraid. I don\u2019t know what of. It can\u2019t possibly hurt \u2015 not with you. It\u2019s the idea of holding that one thing back till we\u2019re a thousand percent sure we\u2019re ready. Maybe I\u2019m too inhibited.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cNo, Edie, you\u2019re not too inhibited. You value yourself, and I\u2019d be unworthy if I didn\u2019t value you all the more for it. When you say yes, it\u2019ll be yes. Until then, I\u2019ll live with no.\u201d<\/p>

She lifted her head from his shoulder and sought his face in the darkness. \u201cKiss me.\u201d<\/p>

They sat for five minutes more, in each other\u2019s arms. At the top of the stairs, they squeezed each other\u2019s hand, exchanged goodnight kisses, and went to their separate rooms.<\/p>

~~~~~~~~~~<\/p>

Next morning there was knock on his door. \u201cCome in,\u201d he called, sitting up in bed. The door opened slowly and Eden entered with a glass of orange juice on a tray. \u201cBreakfast is served, Milord, and you are invited to the dining room to partake thereof. Here\u2019s a little energizer to help you on your way.\u201d<\/p>

Josh took the juice with one hand; with the other he took her free hand and kissed it. \u201cThank you, Milady. I am grateful for your ministrations. If it pleases you, I would like to brush my teeth so as to be more worthy of your company.\u201d<\/p>

She leaned over and kissed him on the mouth. \u201cYou are worthy with your teeth the way they are, but if it be your habit to do so, you may perform the ritual.\u201d<\/p>

Thus began their longest day together.<\/p>

His oral hygiene up to snuff, Josh came to the dining room to find the table set with their hosts\u2019 best china and sterling, freshly picked violets and azaleas, and two unlit candles.<\/p>

\u201cThese we won\u2019t light till dinner,\u201d Eden admonished playfully.<\/p>

Josh gaped. \u201cI think I\u2019m going to cry. What did I ever do to deserve such pleasure?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou were born. Now sit down and I\u2019ll pour you coffee. I\u2019ve made sandwiches, and I found some apples and bananas. So if we\u2019re going to be on the road, we\u2019re all set for lunch.\u201d<\/p>

Josh looked at her adoringly. \u201cAre you always like this?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019m not always in company like this.\u201d<\/p>

First they visited the grave and summer study of Mark Twain in Elmira. Josh pointed out the twelve-foot monument, which symbolized the depth of water a riverboat needed. \u201cMark Twain means twelve feet. Sam Clemens thought it would make a good pen name.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cWow. This is not only fun; it\u2019s an education too.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cAre you interested in soaring?\u201d he asked.<\/p>

\u201cThere isn\u2019t anything I\u2019m not interested in right now.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThere\u2019s a soaring museum here. After that we can have our picnic lunch.\u201d<\/p>

After lunch they drove to Watkins Glen, passing the foot of Seneca Lake en route.<\/p>

\u201cJust a few more square miles than Cayuga. That makes it the biggest.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cGod\u2019s middle finger, then,\u201d Eden said.<\/p>

On the other side of town was the entrance to the state park.<\/p>

\u201cThis is the best part,\u201d he said as they entered. \u201cBut be prepared for some rough hiking.\u201d<\/p>

By the time they were halfway into the gorge and had seen a succession of waterfalls, she was ready to agree that this was the best. They stopped at an overlook to peer into the gorge. Josh said, \u201cThey also have a sound and light show. We could stop by on the way down.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cLet\u2019s do it.\u201d<\/p>

It was nine o\u2019clock when they left the park.<\/p>

\u201cDid you catch that part about forty-five million centuries?\u201d he asked.<\/p>

\u201cI wasn\u2019t sure I heard it right, but isn\u2019t that the same as four and a half billion<\/em> years?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cJust what we were talking about the other night.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIncredible. Just incredible.\u201d She grabbed his hand. Then she remembered. \u201cOh dear! I wanted to make a big, festive dinner, and it\u2019s so late. How long does it take back to Ithaca?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cWe have to figure at least an hour.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIt\u2019ll be after ten, and I have to go shopping too. How are we ever going to do it?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cEdie,\u201d he said gently, \u201cThere\u2019ll be other chances. Knocking yourself out now would only spoil it. Let\u2019s pick up some pizza and we\u2019ll make a formal dinner of it, with candlelight, china, sterling, and Ch\u00e2teau Ellsworth in crystal glasses.\u201d<\/p>

Neither would ever forget that pizza dinner. When they had finished the meal, including two glasses of wine apiece, the day\u2019s exertions caught up with them and they had no desire for the deck\u2019s offering of sounds without light. They went into their rooms to get ready for bed.<\/p>

Ten minutes later, Josh in his robe, toothbrush in hand, met Eden in her robe, toothbrush in hand, both en route to the bathroom. Both felt tipsy. \u201cWho goes first?\u201d she asked.<\/p>

\u201cThat could have been a hard decision, after Seneca Falls. Fortunately, they have twin washbowls.\u201d<\/p>

In a minute they faced each other with mouths full of toothpaste foam. \u201cLet\u2019s do something silly,\u201d she spluttered, putting her hands round his neck. \u201cAnother first! But now you must leave.\u201d<\/p>

At the door he turned to her and asked: \u201cWill I see you again tonight?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cDo you think it\u2019s right, with us not quite sober?\u201d<\/p>

Josh looked down, saying nothing. She walked up to him and took his hands. \u201cJosh, for some reason this is awfully important to me. I can\u2019t help it. Just the idea that I was drunk might come back to me later and I wouldn\u2019t feel right about it. You did say you\u2019d wait till I\u2019m ready. Can you? Can you without making me feel bad?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019m the one who should feel bad. I promised I wouldn\u2019t pressure you, and I\u2019m going to live up to that. What I said last night I really meant. And now I mean it even more.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThank you, Josh, thank you,\u201d she whispered. She kissed him and closed the door.<\/p>

They went to their rooms and promptly fell asleep.<\/p>

~~~~~~~~~~<\/p>

She woke with a headache. The illuminated clock on the bedside table read a quarter to two. She got out of bed, intending to find a medicine cabinet. As she passed the window, she stood face to face with the full moon. She stared and stared, her mind suspended between the past and the present, feeling herself swept along by the certitude that the moon would forever be the symbol of her life\u2019s most treasured moments. A new intoxication took the place of the one she had slept off, an intoxication altogether devoid of fear and altogether consistent with sobriety. The headache no longer mattered. Quietly she tiptoed out of her room into his, found the bed, and crawled in beside him.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t

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Chapter 23 >><\/a><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

PART II The Rabins knew they were being possessive in not asking Eden over, but they didn\u2019t want her presence to distract Josh on his last day at home. Had she shown up uninvited, she would have been made welcome, but she acquiesced to Karen\u2019s urge not to go. Josh hadn\u2019t even left, and already […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":21,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-264","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/264","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=264"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/264\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":807,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/264\/revisions\/807"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/21"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=264"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}