{"id":254,"date":"2016-09-05T12:00:27","date_gmt":"2016-09-05T16:00:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.herbheineman.com\/?page_id=254"},"modified":"2024-07-25T16:54:27","modified_gmt":"2024-07-25T20:54:27","slug":"chapter-20","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/edensgarden\/chapter-20\/","title":{"rendered":"Chapter 20: Missing Limbs"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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PART II<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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One had a family, the other a successful law practice. Each saw what she herself might have become but for the choice she\u2019d made. They were like two amputees, one missing a leg and the other an arm, each coveting the other\u2019s pair of limbs and knowing that her pair was coveted by the other. They were the best of friends.<\/p>

A week after Eden\u2019s recovery from anaphylaxis, the two women went to lunch. Bobbie leaned back in her chair and stretched her legs.<\/p>

\u201cAh, what a life,\u201d she said with a deep sigh.<\/p>

Karen, moved by the profundity of this remark, asked, \u201cYours, everyone\u2019s, or whose?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cRight now, mine. Though, to be frank, I don\u2019t know whether I\u2019m up to being intellectual about it or just using words to groan with.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cWell, if it\u2019s the latter, you\u2019ve chosen well. Should I try to upstage you, commiserate with you, or shut up and eat?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cHere comes the food. I\u2019m hungry.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cSomething\u2019s on your mind,\u201d Karen said after they\u2019d been served. She studied her friend\u2019s face. \u201cCare to tell me about it?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cLet\u2019s eat. Then we\u2019ll see.\u201d They ate. Periodically Karen looked at Bobbie, but Bobbie was either studying her plate or looking at far distances. At length Karen found a safe way to break the silence.<\/p>

\u201cIs your deposition still going on?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIt\u2019s over.\u201d Then she added, \u201cWhat a jerk.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cWho?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI can\u2019t tell who\u2019s coaching who, the doctor or the lawyer. You know the Santoro case?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cName sounds familiar. Diabetic foot?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYes. Are you ready for this?\u00a0 Here\u2019s poor Mrs. Santoro, short, roly-poly, and likes high heels. She also has bunions and she\u2019s diabetic. Put it together, what do you get? Ulcers that keep coming back. George Wilson, her family doc, always takes cultures, gives an antibiotic, instructs her in foot care, and sees her twice a week till it\u2019s healed. Must have had a dozen x-rays. He\u2019s also warned her plenty of times about her shoes. No complaint against him.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cSo what happened?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cA year ago both feet broke down at the same time. More x-rays, and now she had osteo in the left big toe. Wilson told her she needed surgery and referred her to Don Shuster.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cGo on.\u201d<\/p>

Bobbie paused for effect. \u201cShuster operated on the wrong foot. Couldn\u2019t tell by looking, of course, both had ulcers. But the x-rays were right there. A clear case of res ipsa loquitur.\u201d<\/em><\/p>

\u201cThen why are they fighting it? Besides, how much damage did he do with the surgery?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cFirst, he took off the big toe and the head of the metatarsal. Now she can\u2019t walk so well, and he\u2019d owe her thousands just for that. Second, he still has to go back and do the side he should\u2019ve done in the first place. That\u2019s a second operation with all the risks.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cOK,\u201d Karen said, \u201ca few thousand more. And she must be pretty upset, so there\u2019s pain and suffering: More thousands. Still, it\u2019s all incontestable. Why escalate the legal costs?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIt might have stopped there, except that the operative wound got infected, and she ended up with a transmetatarsal. So there goes half the good<\/em> foot. After that, what would you expect when the same Doctor Shuster trains his artillery on the foot that\u2019s already infected?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cOh boy.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYes, indeed. And here\u2019s where you see witness coaching at its best. No way Shuster could have thought this one up by himself.\u201d<\/p>

Karen held her breath.<\/p>

\u201cHe had the nerve to say that Mrs. Santoro would have needed surgery on her right foot anyway. Diabetic foot is a bilateral disease, says Doctor Shuster, and even if she only had osteo on one side now, sooner or later she\u2019d have it on the other. He concedes he did the wrong amputation first \u2015 generous, don\u2019t you think? \u2015 but he insists the error was relative.\u201d<\/p>

Karen\u2019s jaw dropped. \u201cHe claims he did a prophylactic amputation?\u201d<\/em><\/p>

\u201cNot in those words, but he had the arrogance to insist he helped this woman. I asked him why he hadn\u2019t amputated below the knee, or above it, considering that\u2019s how diabetics often end up. His lawyer instructed him not to answer.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cAre they going to trial with that? They\u2019ll get laughed out of court.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cOh, he\u2019d have to pay for his mistake and for the risk of a second operation. But she may not get as much as she should because, who knows? the jury might buy his argument. You know juries.\u201d Karen did; that\u2019s how her career had taken off years ago.<\/p>

\u201cDo they have an expert to back Shuster?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou bet your sweet life they do. They can always find an expert to back the doctor, no matter what. But we can talk about that another time.\u201d<\/p>

Bobbie suddenly fell silent and stared into space again. When it appeared that she wasn\u2019t going to talk any more about Mrs. Santoro, Karen asked her softly:<\/p>

\u201cWhat is it, Bobbie? You look as if you just remembered something unpleasant.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIf it\u2019s that obvious, I\u2019m glad you\u2019re the only one watching. You know, there are times when I don\u2019t find anything uplifting in this work.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cBecause of Shuster?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cNo. Though dealing with bastards like that would throw a wet blanket over a million-dollar settlement. But I\u2019ve been feeling it more and more lately, even without provocation.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cBut you\u2019ve done so well. And I\u2019m honestly happy for you. I mean it.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI know you are. But I\u2019m not all that happy for myself. I had visions of something greater than redistributing doctors\u2019 wealth among their victims. Not that that isn\u2019t a real service. But it\u2019s so small, with so little impact. When I think of law in the larger sense \u2015 you know, real legal issues, scholarship, legislation \u2015 what I\u2019m doing here strikes me as awfully banal.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou\u2019re not thinking of quitting, are you?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI don\u2019t have the guts. Suppose I wanted to run for office or a judgeship, think of what it would take to build myself up. I\u2019m forty-four. I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s really too late or midlife crisis only makes it seem that way. Either way, I can\u2019t see doing anything about it.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cFunny how things look from different perspectives,\u201d Karen said, tracing a pattern on the tablecloth with her spoon. \u201cHere I am, a perpetual associate, a case of arrested development, looking at a professional success story, envying you. It was my own decision, of course, so I\u2019m not crying unfair, but I feel so totally inferior. And now you tell me you\u2019re not content.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou\u2019d have done it different, Karen. I came to F & D while you were on leave, and I got to know you before we ever met. It was common knowledge around the office that you had your sights on the bench, or teaching law. So that\u2019s where you\u2019d be by now. But my ambition was to become a successful trial lawyer, and now that I am one it doesn\u2019t seem enough.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYour retrospective projection of my career path is flattering,\u201d Karen said with a touch of irony, \u201cbut you\u2019re looking ahead from 1971 when you say that, and you\u2019re overlooking what I\u2019d<\/em> have learned along the way, like you did, that could have derailed me. . . .But maybe I\u2019m just trying to make myself feel better by downplaying my missed chances.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIt\u2019s all speculation, what might have been, what could have been,\u201d Bobbie went on, her spoon now doing duty on the tablecloth. \u201cOnly the retrospectoscope shows us the truth. And not always, at that. Memory can be deceptive. But you know something?\u201d She looked at her friend, a rueful smile on her face. \u201cOnce in a while I think about Bruce. We celebrated my partnership by deciding to get divorced. It\u2019s hard to think of one without the other.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cMay I plead friend\u2019s prerogative and ask a tactless question?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIt\u2019s not tactless coming from you. Besides, there isn\u2019t anyone else I can talk with \u2015 unless I want to spend seventy-five dollars for fifty minutes, or whatever they charge. So ask.\u201d<\/p>

Karen smiled. \u201cI won\u2019t charge. One of these days you can repay me in kind. If you had to do it over again, would you do any differently?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cTechnically, that presupposes that in 1971 I knew how things would be in 1987. The very point you made. If Bruce and I had stayed together and had a family, who knows how satisfied I\u2019d have been ten years later? We might have had other marital difficulties and split anyway; I might have been an unhappy mother; and I can guarantee you I\u2019d have been thinking constantly about the brilliant career prospects I\u2019d thrown over. No, Karen. It\u2019s tempting to say I should have chosen differently, but all I\u2019d really be saying is that I\u2019m not feeling good now. You know, the grass is always greener . . .\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou must have had many opportunities to get married again. When I saw you going with Kenny Whitehead for months on end, I was really hoping something would come of it.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIt almost did. But great guy that he was, he was no improvement over Bruce. For that matter, there was nothing wrong with Bruce. I was the problem. And Kenny has two children from his first marriage. Teenagers. They probably wouldn\u2019t pay any attention to me, but still I\u2019d feel some responsibility. And I\u2019m scared of that responsibility.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThat\u2019s ridiculous! You\u2019d be wonderful.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019m not talking competence. I have problems wanting<\/em> to be a mother. The kids would see right through me. They\u2019d have every right to resent me.\u201d<\/p>

Bobbie paused, correcting for the umpteenth time the pattern she was tracing on the tablecloth, then summed up. \u201cI really don\u2019t know what to do.\u201d<\/p>

After another pause, she looked Karen in the face. \u201cSo if you haven\u2019t figured it already, I also envy you. So you\u2019re not a hard-charging lawyer, or judge, which I\u2019m convinced you could\u2019ve been. But you have balance in your life, a husband and a daughter. I know those relationships take up time, but your return is beyond calculating. And they perpetuate themselves. You don\u2019t have to kill yourself to keep them alive. What do I have? My career. Fine as long as I give it everything I\u2019ve got \u2015 which takes more enthusiasm than I\u2019m feeling right now \u2015 and if I lose it, or get dissatisfied, what do I have then? Money and loneliness.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI don\u2019t know what to say,\u201d Karen said. \u201cEither you\u2019ve been doing a masterful job of hiding your feelings, or I\u2019m too obtuse to see the obvious. I had no idea you were that unhappy. So you bitch about how some people don\u2019t have a right to sue, how some doctors don\u2019t have a right to practice medicine, how hospitals throw roadblocks in your way. I\u2019ve always taken your complaints at face value, because I\u2019ve had the same experience. But\u2014\u201d<\/p>

\u201cLet me finish the thought for you.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cOK, my lunch treat if you\u2019re right, yours if you\u2019re wrong.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThat\u2019s a sucker deal, with you deciding after the fact, but I accept.\u201d Lightening the mood was worth the risk. \u201cWhat you\u2019re thinking is that we both work with the same garbage, and why doesn\u2019t it bother you as much as me? The answer is, this garbage is only part of your life, and you have that wonderful domestic scene to go home to; but that same garbage is<\/em> my life.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThat would have been my question,\u201d Karen said. \u201cbut I didn\u2019t have the answer. Anyway, lunch is on me, so you see you didn\u2019t need to worry about my honesty.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cGood.\u201d Bobbie allowed herself a smile now. \u201cGetting it off my chest helps, although dumping it on you is no way to treat a friend, is it?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYes, it is. And if you think we have time, there\u2019s something on my mind too.\u201d\u00a0 She called the office from the payphone. On her return, she found Bobbie presiding over a fresh carafe of coffee. \u201cYes, thanks,\u201d she said. She added sweetener, stirred slowly, wiped her spoon, folded the napkin, placed the spoon on it, and took a sip. Bobbie waited patiently.<\/p>

\u201cI don\u2019t know where to begin,\u201d Karen began.<\/p>

Bobbie gently encouraged her. \u201cStart anywhere. Go backwards, forwards, sideways, it doesn\u2019t matter. It\u2019ll fall into place.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI don\u2019t like the way I<\/em> feel.\u201d Again there was a pause lasting more than ten seconds.<\/p>

\u201cAbout your job?\u201d Bobbie asked.<\/p>

\u201cThat\u2019s part of it.\u201d Another pause. \u201cMaybe I should first digest what you told me.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIf you think that would be better,\u201d Bobbie said, \u201cwe can wait. It\u2019s your call.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cOh, I don\u2019t know. I\u2019ll still have my doubts. Even without the grandiose projections you made for me \u2015 which were echoes of my own, after all \u2015 I might feel different by now from the way you do. People aren\u2019t the same. I just can\u2019t help wondering what it would be like.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cDoes the mere fact of asking that question bother you?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThe question, no. The answer, yes.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cLet me guess, again. This one\u2019s for dinner? What\u2019s bothering you is that having regrets about your career seems like an act of disloyalty to Eden. Right?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou missed your calling,\u201d Karen answered with a smile. \u201cYou could be charging<\/em> seventy-five dollars for fifty minutes. But then, you\u2019re already making more than that.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI guess,\u201d Bobbie continued, \u201cif relationships have a downside, that\u2019s it. You can\u2019t say, I\u2019d gladly give back my family for the career I should have had. Guilt gets in the way.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cNot only that. You said family relationships perpetuate themselves. But your own experience will tell you they aren\u2019t guaranteed. . . . I hope I\u2019m not hurting you by saying that.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIt\u2019s all right, Karen. You\u2019re not telling me anything I haven\u2019t known for years. Go on.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cWell, divorce is not the only threat.\u201d<\/p>

Bobbie looked up sharply. \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>

Karen hesitated, afraid of going too far. \u201cHow ironic it is that bride and groom pledge themselves to each other until death do them part.\u201d<\/p>

Bobbie was about to ask again what Karen meant, but the answer dawned on her.<\/p>

\u201cMy God!\u201d She did not offer to bet another meal; this was too serious.<\/p>

Karen continued: \u201cTwice now Edie\u2019s been at death\u2019s door. After four years I thought I\u2019d recovered from the first. But this last time really did it to me. I live in perpetual fear of what\u2019s going to happen next. I have this dreadful feeling that I\u2019m going to lose her.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cWhat a horrible thing to contemplate.\u201d Bobbie covered Karen\u2019s hand with her own.<\/p>

Karen looked up, tears in her eyes. \u201cYou still don\u2019t know all of it. If she should die, I\u2019m not sure which I\u2019d mourn more, her or what I gave up to have her.\u201d<\/p>

Bobbie could find no words of comfort.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t

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<< Chapter 19<\/a><\/div>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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Chapter 21 >><\/a><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

PART II One had a family, the other a successful law practice. Each saw what she herself might have become but for the choice she\u2019d made. They were like two amputees, one missing a leg and the other an arm, each coveting the other\u2019s pair of limbs and knowing that her pair was coveted by […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":21,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-254","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/254","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=254"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/254\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":798,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/254\/revisions\/798"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/21"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=254"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}