{"id":191,"date":"2016-09-04T15:53:17","date_gmt":"2016-09-04T19:53:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.herbheineman.com\/?page_id=191"},"modified":"2024-07-25T16:38:20","modified_gmt":"2024-07-25T20:38:20","slug":"chapter-15","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/edensgarden\/chapter-15\/","title":{"rendered":"Chapter 15: Realization"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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PART II<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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\u201cYou remember the hockey game? I mean, after the game.\u201d<\/p>

Josh was nervous. More than a week had passed, and he was afraid that the golden moment would slip away. Right after their date he was ready to bare his soul the first chance he got; now he was like a swimmer out of the pool too long and reluctant to dive into the cold water again.<\/p>

\u201cOf course,\u201d Eden replied without a moment\u2019s hesitation.<\/p>

They were seated facing each other across a table in the school cafeteria, with time to kill.<\/p>

\u201cI started talking about something and then broke off because it was late\u2014\u201d<\/p>

\u201cOh, Josh, I was so rude, I shouldn\u2019t have laughed at you.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou weren\u2019t rude. I asked for it. It\u2019ll teach me not to open my mouth till I know what\u2019s going to come out. Anyway, I don\u2019t know if this\u2019ll interest you.\u201d<\/p>

She leaned toward him across the table. \u201cOf course it will. It\u2019s important to you. Don\u2019t you want to share it with me? I\u2019m serious now.\u201d It was written on her face.<\/p>

\u201cIt is important. I used to be your typical teenager. Smart-alecky, never wrong, cynical as you can be. As if I didn\u2019t know older folks are more experienced than I. Only I\u2019m not about to admit it. So I make fun of them. If I do what they say, I\u2019m humoring them. If they say something worthwhile, I already knew it. That way I\u2019m in charge, see?\u201d<\/p>

He looked at her expectantly. She said, \u201cI follow you.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cAnd it spills over into how I act toward Debbie \u2015 and maybe you too. To appreciate something, to suggest you don\u2019t hold the world in contempt, is not macho. But I really like my parents, and I like my sister.\u201d Eden held her breath. \u201cSo when I\u2019m acting like that I\u2019m not comfortable. And it\u2019s a trap. Once you announce your stupidity, you can\u2019t just take it back.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cAm I the first you\u2019re telling this to?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThis much, yes.\u201d<\/p>

She looked right into his eyes. \u201cI think you\u2019re very brave,\u201d she whispered.<\/p>

\u201cYou know what started it? Thinking about myself? We were at one of those overlooks on the Blue Ridge Parkway in North Carolina. One moment I was razzing Debbie about something or other. The next moment I felt paralyzed. I just stood there and stared.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cAt the landscape?\u201d The word \u201cparalyze\u201d didn\u2019t alarm her. She sensed what he meant.<\/p>

\u201cYes, and the colors. It was the strangest feeling. \u2018Paralyzed\u2019 is wrong. It\u2019s not that I couldn\u2019t move. I had no desire to do anything but stand there and lap it up. But that isn\u2019t it either. I was being<\/em> lapped up. I started off looking at the scenery like at a picture. Then slowly it became three-dimensional and I was inside it. No, that\u2019s not it either. God, it\u2019s hard to put my finger on it. \u2018Inside\u2019 is wrong because it still means separate. Being inside a room doesn\u2019t make you a part of it. But there I felt as if I was<\/em> a part of what I was looking at. I must have looked like a total idiot. Mom had to come and get me. Sounds crazy, doesn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>

Eden didn\u2019t answer. She had started out looking at him across the table. As he described the transformation of the landscape, she saw the image of him engulfing her until she was part of him. She heard his last question from a far distance, not knowing whether it was addressed to her or even concerned her. She was paralyzed.<\/p>

\u201cAre you OK, Edie?\u201d The change in his tone shocked her back to the here and now.<\/p>

\u201cYeah, I\u2019m fine.\u201d She swept her hand over her face. \u201cAnd no, God, no! You\u2019re not crazy. I\u2019m fascinated.\u201d She wanted to reach across and pull more out of him, but they weren\u2019t alone.<\/p>

\u201cNow that\u2019s where you should be using it, Rabinowitz,\u201d said the mountainous student with the ear-to-ear smile who joined them.<\/p>

\u201cUse what?\u201d Eden asked, looking from Josh to the newcomer and back.<\/p>

\u201cNever mind. This is Truck Rogers, linebacker and filthy mind extraordinaire.\u201d The reference was to an encounter in which Josh had poked Truck in the chest and Truck had suggested a better use of Josh\u2019s finger. It was not a fit subject for Eden\u2019s ears.<\/p>

\u201cLike you to meet Eden Avery, a friend of the family.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cOf the family, eh?\u201d His smile stretched almost to the bursting point. \u201cNice to meet you, Eden. I\u2019ve been hoping young Josh here would meet a nice family friend, so he\u2019d stop poking me in the ribs. May I join you?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cNo,\u201d Josh answered. \u201cThis table isn\u2019t big enough for you.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cAh,\u201d Truck answered, with no sign of taking offense. \u201cThree\u2019s a crowd, I understand completely. I\u2019ll go and sit all alone. Maybe I\u2019ll be lucky too and find a \u2015 er \u2015 family friend.\u201d<\/p>

He turned on his heel, then stopped. \u201cBy the way, Joshie boy, I saw the Germantown game. I know you don\u2019t appreciate real football, but I\u2019m big-minded and even soccer doesn\u2019t offend me. Maybe someday you can explain why you don\u2019t wear helmets. Think how much farther the ball would bounce if it didn\u2019t get stuck in your hair. But that\u2019s beside the point\u2014\u201d<\/p>

\u201cDo you have a point?\u201d Josh asked wearily.<\/p>

\u201cMy life is dedicated to points. This one concerns that diving catch. One of my many skills is talent scouting, and I think you should try out for wide receiver. That is, if you don\u2019t mind getting roughed up a bit now and then \u2015 and wearing a helmet.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThere are those who say it was my fault we lost. Pumped them up and deflated us.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cDon\u2019t listen to \u2019em. You did what you had to. That shot was a sure goal. Now you, Miss Eden Family Friend, don\u2019t you let him brood over it. He\u2019s too good for that.\u201d Saying over his shoulder, \u201cAnd watch that finger!\u201d he walked over to a nearby table, where he sat down to suffer his solitude in the company of four girls.<\/p>

\u201cWow,\u201d Eden said when Truck\u2019s back was turned, \u201cwhat was that<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cDon\u2019t mind him. His only problem\u2019s his size. So they grabbed him for football\u2014\u201d<\/p>

\u201cA man\u2019s sport?\u201d Her eyes lit up.<\/p>

\u201cLet\u2019s say, a jock\u2019s sport. He\u2019s a damn good athlete whose talents are being wasted. . . . Hey, I\u2019m starting to talk to you the way I do to him!\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI don\u2019t mind at all! It\u2019s fun listening to the two of you.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cWe enjoy needling each other. Like me and Debbie. Anyway, where were we?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYour mom coming to get you.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cOh yes. They were waiting for me and I was rooted like a tree on the overlook. But she was tactful. She sensed something was going on in my head, and she didn\u2019t push it.\u201d<\/p>

Eden remembered Karen catching her with the lights out. \u201cThen what happened?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI was doing a science project on leaves changing color. Remember? Dad mentioned it. Then I had that dream about the planetarium. I must\u2019ve been pretty quiet the rest of the trip.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cDid you ever talk about it later \u2015 after you got home?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou mean, being swallowed up in the scenery? I talked about it in the car, but it never came up again. No one asked. I think the word\u2019s out not to provoke that crazy kid.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThey don\u2019t know what they\u2019re missing.\u201d Eden looked deep into his eyes and shook her head slowly. \u201cYou know something, Josh? I\u2019m not surprised by anything you said. You may feel<\/em> different, but you\u2019ve been like that for a long time. Remember the spider? The maggots?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cDon\u2019t remind me. I thought I was in big-time trouble over those maggots.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cAt first I was pretty disgusted. But after you explained about larvae, I asked Dad\u2014\u201d<\/p>

\u201cDidn\u2019t trust me?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThat was then.\u201d Both were silent for several seconds. \u201cBut let\u2019s not talk about me. What I wanted to say was, you were into nature long ago, but you weren\u2019t so self-conscious.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cNot only nature\u2014\u201d<\/p>

\u201cOh, yes!\u201d she shouted. \u201cRemember going on about the Verrazano Narrows Bridge?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cHow could I forget? And it\u2019s getting worse\u2014\u201d<\/p>

\u201cBetter!\u201d<\/p>

He pondered. \u201cMaybe better, especially if that\u2019s the way you feel.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI do. And I keep on interrupting, when I really want to hear more. So go on!\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIt\u2019s more of the same. Look at cars. A car used to be a vehicle with so-and-so many horsepower, transmission, and whatnot. Now it\u2019s still all of that, but it\u2019s also God knows how many people\u2019s ideas; a marvel of design and manufacturing; the incredible properties of metal, glass, rubber, gasoline. I could go on and on. . . .\u201d On and on he went\u00a0\u2014 strength and pliability, chemistry and energy, lubrication and friction\u00a0\u2014 and Eden, her attention darting back and forth between his enthusiasm and what he was enthusiastic about; her eyes on each of his in turn, his nose, his mouth, his chin; trying to stay up with him. \u201c. . . Pick anything,\u201d he was saying, \u201ctake people, . . . babies with big heads, . . . adults with long legs, . . . amazing! Dandelion seeds on parachutes, squirrels burying acorns.\u201d He paused for breath. \u201cAm I making sense?\u201d<\/p>

Eden too needed time to breathe, and the delay cost her the chance to answer.<\/p>

\u201cAnd Debbie \u2015 get this \u2015 after all these years I realize she\u2019s a pretty nice person \u2015 I\u2019m even tempted to say beautiful person, although you have to understand how I mean that\u2014\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI understand exactly how you mean that.\u201d Eden got a brief toehold. She thought about her own plain features and dared to hope that she, too, might be beautiful in the way he\u2019d most appreciate. But her thoughts were swept away by the next wave.<\/p>

\u201c . . . and I\u2019m lucky to have her for a sister. A month ago I wouldn\u2019t have believed I\u2019d ever say anything like that. Isn\u2019t it strange?\u201d<\/p>

Suddenly he was waiting for an answer. The silence caught her off guard. \u201cNothing you\u2019ve said is strange. . . . I\u2019m so glad you\u2019ve shared your thoughts with me. I feel that you trust me.\u201d<\/p>

He swallowed and lowered his eyes. \u201cThanks for not laughing at me.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cLaugh at you, Josh? No, never. Never again.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI don\u2019t know what it\u2019s like having a sister,\u201d she continued, \u201cbut if I did I\u2019d want her to be like Debbie.\u201d<\/p>

Josh, sensing firmer ground, said, \u201cNeither you nor I have any experience with brothers.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI sometimes had fantasies of you being my brother.\u201d Josh looked at her. \u201cBut not any more,\u201d she went on quietly, playing with a spoon.<\/p>

Josh did not take his eyes off her face. She took a deep breath and rose from her chair. Regret and relief mingled in her voice. \u201cI have to go. See you later.\u201d<\/p>

He followed her with his eyes until she reached the door. His mind arrested by the motion of her skirt as she walked, he almost failed to see her turn in the doorway and smile at him.<\/p>

He was about to leave when Truck stopped by again. \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d he said, \u201cI was out of line the way I talked. She looks like a nice girl.\u201d He sat down.<\/p>

\u201cTruck, you have a loose tongue.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cMaybe yours ought to be too,\u201d Truck said, raising a defensive arm in front of his face. Josh got up and started to walk away.<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019m sorry, Josh, I really am.\u201d Truck held out a hand to stop him. \u201cSometimes I don\u2019t know when to stop. You know me, I don\u2019t mean any harm.\u201d Josh glared at him. \u201cYou take that girl pretty serious, don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cShe\u2019s my sister\u2019s friend. I don\u2019t want her exposed to your bathroom humor.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou\u2019re right, and I promise it won\u2019t happen again.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cOK, Truck.\u201d Josh relaxed. \u201cLet it be.\u201d<\/p>

Truck got up and walked alongside Josh. \u201cJust between you and me, and not a word to Eden or anyone else, and I\u2019m not trying to be a smart-ass, but can I put in a bid for best man \u2015 just in case?\u201d Off he went.<\/p>

\u201cDamn you, Rogers!\u201d Josh yelled, throwing a plastic fork at the departing hulk.<\/p>

~~~~~~~~~~<\/p>

In the cold of January, every drop of surface water not in vigorous motion fell into the embrace of the nearest ice crystal. The accretions thus formed slowed the flow of water even more till none was left to flow. Even while the icy crust on the Schuylkill River still contained gaping seams, bodies of stagnant water had become natural skating rinks. The pond in Pastorius Park beckoned, and the neighborhood skaters were ready for the call.<\/p>

At any time half of the venturesome, better endowed with enthusiasm than skill, were sprawled hilariously on the uneven ice. It was the perfect setting for tolerance, it was the perfect setting for Josh, whose prowess on ice lagged far behind his sister\u2019s.<\/p>

\u201cIt\u2019ll be fun,\u201d Eden assured him on the phone. \u201cThe ice is bumpy; you\u2019re supposed<\/em> to be on your rear end most of the time. But a soccer player knows how to fall without getting hurt, doesn\u2019t he?\u201d<\/p>

He smiled into the receiver. \u201cWhen you put it that way, I don\u2019t see how I can say no.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cThat was the idea.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cDo we have to invite\u2014?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI don\u2019t think we have any obligation. She\u2019s too good for a lumpy pond.\u201d<\/p>

He wasn\u2019t sure Debbie would agree with Eden\u2019s logic, especially since Eden was as good a skater as she. Still, he had to admire the way she had simultaneously uncoupled Debbie and neutralized his self-consciousness.<\/p>

Few skaters were on the ice that cold afternoon. The surface was indeed treacherous, giving Josh all the excuse he needed to be cautious. Eden seemed content to stay with his pace and soon they were holding hands. Across the pond a couple was dancing.<\/p>

\u201cDon\u2019t they look romantic?\u201d she said. \u201cLet\u2019s try.\u201d<\/p>

Their legs became entangled and they sat down, laughing. On their second try they stayed on their feet a full five minutes, but a chill wind sprang up and they called it a day.<\/p>

\u201cTake me home,\u201d Eden asked, \u201cI\u2019ll make hot chocolate.\u201d<\/p>

Eden\u2019s parents weren\u2019t home. \u201cLooks like we have the place to ourselves,\u201d she said.<\/p>

He stood with one glove on and one off. \u201cMaybe I shouldn\u2019t stay.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI can\u2019t let you go without something hot to drink. What can be wrong with that?\u201d<\/p>

He considered for two seconds. \u201cNothing, I guess. It is<\/em> cold out there.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cGood. Take off your things \u2015 your coat, I mean,\u201d she said with an in impish smile.<\/p>

She started to gather the needed supplies. \u201cWhat\u2019re you looking at?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cDid you never see a woman making hot chocolate?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cA<\/u> woman, yes, but not you.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cAm I different?\u201d She poured milk into a saucepan and lit the stove.<\/p>

\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI mean, do I make hot chocolate differently?\u201d She added cocoa mix and started stirring.<\/p>

\u201cI wasn\u2019t thinking of the chocolate.\u201d<\/p>

She turned from the stove and leaned against the counter. \u201cWhat were you thinking of?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIt\u2019s pretty complicated. I mean, obviously I was looking at you.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou\u2019ve already told me. What\u2019s the complicated part?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou\u2019re not going to laugh?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cNo, I\u2019m not going to laugh!\u201d She feigned exasperation.<\/p>

\u201cIt\u2019s the way you stand, the way you stir the pot. I can\u2019t help looking. Are you laughing?\u201d<\/p>

She wasn\u2019t. \u201cThe way I stir the pot. I thought you weren\u2019t thinking about the chocolate?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cNow you\u2019ve got me confused,\u201d Josh said. \u201cI don\u2019t seem to know what I\u2019m saying.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cAll right, I\u2019ll stop interrupting. You talk, I stir.\u201d But she stopped the moment he spoke.<\/p>

\u201cI just want to look at you. You\u2019re different. That\u2019s it, I guess.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cEverybody\u2019s different, aren\u2019t they?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cSure, but the differences are different.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cHuh? Come again?\u201d She was leaning on the counter again, facing him.<\/p>

\u201cIt\u2019s like this. Dad would say Mom\u2019s different, but not the way Aunt Shirley\u2019s different.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou mean it depends on who\u2019s looking at whom?\u201d Steam was rising from the pot.<\/p>

\u201cYes, that\u2019s it! You know, \u2018Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.\u2019 Keats, I think.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cWould you be offended if I corrected you?\u201d she asked gently.<\/p>

\u201cOf course not. Set me straight.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIt was Margaret Wolfe Hungerford, not John Keats, and it\u2019s the eye<\/em>, singular.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019m not much on English Lit, am I? Are you going to put up with me?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou have redeeming qualities. Besides, the only reason I<\/em> know is, a couple of months ago we had to look up famous quotations.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou didn\u2019t have to tell me. You could have let me believe you\u2019d read all that poetry.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cWhy should I? I hope I don\u2019t need to deceive you. I\u2019d rather be honest. But your mother\u2019s attractive and I\u2019m plain, so I don\u2019t think that stuff about beauty applies.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cDidn\u2019t I just answer that? . . . Or didn\u2019t Whatsername Hungerford?\u201d<\/p>

The odor from the stove interrupted their conversation. Eden laughed in horror.<\/p>

\u201cOh my God!\u201d She turned off the gas and reached for the pot. In an instant Josh was at her side grabbing her arm.<\/p>

\u201cThe handle could be hot. Use a pot holder.\u201d He held on a little longer than necessary.<\/p>

\u201cSo,\u201d she said with a sigh. \u201cShall I scrub out the pot and start again?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI don\u2019t mind sitting here talking while you do that.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cOh no,\u201d she warned. \u201cEither cook or talk, not both. Else it\u2019ll be the same all over again.\u201d<\/p>

Ten minutes later they were seated, enjoying the fruits of her labor in silence.<\/p>

\u201cI have to ask you something,\u201d he said. \u201cYou look like you\u2019re in perfect health\u00a0\u2014 the way you skate and all. But you were real sick a couple of years back. I remember Debbie and me coming over because you weren\u2019t allowed to do anything. We were scared because of what happened to Uncle Milt. But Mom said rheumatic fever\u2019s different. Is it OK to ask?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI don\u2019t mind talking about it. I did have rheumatic fever, and it affected my heart. They gave me oxygen, and injections, and God knows what. I was in intensive care. They must have sedated me because that part\u2019s pretty foggy. I do remember a birthday cake with one candle, as if I had a new life or something. After I got better, they wouldn\u2019t let me do anything for months. Obviously I didn\u2019t die, like your uncle, but I don\u2019t know what he had\u00a0\u2014 it must\u2019ve been different. I feel great now, but I still have to have a shot every month to keep me from getting strep again, and I have to have a checkup every three months. That\u2019s the story.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cWhat\u2019re they looking for after all this time? If you got sick, wouldn\u2019t you know it?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI would if the joints swelled up and hurt like the first time. But they\u2019re afraid my heart valves were damaged and it could take years to show up.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cWhat kind of damage?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou really want to know the details?\u201d<\/p>

He was hurt \u2015 and feeling guilty for not knowing. \u201cEdie, I have visions of you being a cardiac patient, and it\u2019s scary. Of course I want to know.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cOK. Finish your chocolate, I\u2019ll explain.\u201d She took his hand and led him to the study.<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019m going to use visual aids. A little anatomy and a little electrocardiography. It took me a while to learn that word, but I\u2019ve become quite an expert. Sit over there on the couch.\u201d<\/p>

The books she was looking for were on the top shelf. As she reached for them, perched on a stepstool, he saw her in profile. She was wearing a thick, loose-fitting green wool sweater, a pleated gray skirt, and black knee socks, clothes designed purely for warmth. But their very shapelessness amplified the effect of her posture. Her back was hyperextended, accentuating the curve of her rump. Above the slender waist, her bust was thrust forward by the upward reach of her arms. No posture could have done more to flatter her figure. Josh was transfixed. Eden, oblivious to the effect she had created, took down the books and turned toward him.<\/p>

She found him with his mouth open, looking strangely absent. He remained immobile as she approached. It was Eden\u2019s turn to be transfixed.<\/p>

\u201cJosh, what\u2019s wrong? Aren\u2019t you feeling well?\u201d She hardly recognized her own voice. Tossing the books on the couch, she took his hands in hers. Suddenly he was back on earth.<\/p>

\u201cNo, I\u2019m fine. Just thinking.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou scared me,\u201d she said, relieved but still skeptical.<\/p>

\u201cIt\u2019s OK,\u201d he said, \u201cnothing\u2019s wrong.\u201d He picked up the books to make room for her. \u201cSit down and explain your heart to me.\u201d<\/p>

She sat next to him. His breathing was heavy. \u201cJosh, if something\u2019s wrong, please don\u2019t cover it up. Seeing you like that really upset me.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cMy mind was wandering. But I really am OK.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cAll right then,\u201d she answered, not quite convinced. She wanted to ask where his mind had wandered, but she was afraid he was covering up a more serious problem. He could have relieved her anxiety easily enough, but to tell her the truth at that point was out of the question. First he had to digest his unnerving experience, and that would have to wait till he was alone. So for the next half hour, avoiding physical contact without making the effort obvious, he learned about rheumatic fever, electrocardiograms, and heart valves.<\/p>

\u201cYou really know this stuff, don\u2019t you?\u201d he said, relieved to have his attention diverted.<\/p>

\u201cYou would too. But I also had two great teachers, my dad and Doctor Harmon, so I\u2019d have no excuse for not knowing.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cHow do you get rheumatic fever? Does it run in the family?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI don\u2019t think it\u2019s a family thing. It starts with a strep throat. That\u2019s what the shots are for, to prevent strep throat.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cCan\u2019t you treat strep throat and stop it from turning into rheumatic fever?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI never asked Dad. He\u2019s a doctor and I\u2019m sure if something could have been done he\u2019d have done it. There are some things you just can\u2019t prevent. I was unlucky.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019ve had strep. First the doctor swabs your throat, then, wham! you get a penicillin shot. A couple of days later you find out it was a virus. Half the time you didn\u2019t need the shot.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cI\u2019m pretty vague about what happened to me. Dad did swab my throat, and a few days later he swabbed it again, but I don\u2019t remember getting a shot.\u201d She shrugged.<\/p>

\u201cWhat happens if there is some of this delayed damage?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cIt\u2019s been three years and there isn\u2019t any, so I think I\u2019m OK. They tell me if a valve were damaged, they\u2019d hear a murmur. If it gets bad enough I might need open-heart surgery, but they do those all the time, and I don\u2019t worry about it. In any case, it would be years off.\u201d<\/p>

Josh felt a lump in his throat. She shrugs off heart surgery, but the way I looked scared the daylights out of her.<\/p>

\u201cI hope it never happens,\u201d was all he could say. He needed to get away. \u201cI guess I should go home. Mom\u2019ll think we fell through the ice. Can I use your phone?\u201d<\/p>

\u201cYou don\u2019t need to ask. But can\u2019t you stay for supper? I bet Mom and Dad\u2019ll bring pizza or something like that. She won\u2019t cook this late.\u201d<\/p>

\u201cAnother time maybe.\u201d He drove home and made sure not to linger in the garage.<\/p>

He spread a few books on his desk, in case someone came in. What a day! First dancing on the ice. What had he felt as he held her? He couldn\u2019t remember. Then the vision of her on the step stool, and the explanation of her heart condition. Her fright over his state and lack of concern over her own. God, the damage could show up any time! Apparently there was no stopping it, since all they seemed able to do was prevent another strep throat. She\u2019d have to have repairs, and who knew whether she\u2019d survive the operation? Or how well the patched-up heart would work? \u201cGood as new,\u201d they\u2019d say, but it was never good as new. He didn\u2019t have to be a doctor to know that. Even appendectomies leave scars. How could she be so casual? Obviously she knew more than he, but that didn\u2019t allay his anxiety. Every three months he\u2019d be in a cold sweat, awaiting the bad news.<\/p>

Why hadn\u2019t he known how serious her condition was? At least, how serious it might be. He tried to make excuses: it\u2019s bad manners to ask personal questions. Besides, she\u2019s healthy and active, so what reason is there to think anything\u2019s wrong? Still, he felt guilty.<\/p>

Then the other image entered his mental field of vision. Behind closed eyes he relived the sensation of seeing her profile in the study. He marveled at his reaction. Objectively she was a girl in shapeless winter clothes reaching for a couple of books; through his eyes she was an exquisite sylph, poised on a pedestal.<\/p>

And then he again saw the heart, now superimposed on the image of Eden at the bookshelf. Through her clothes he saw her breast and behind it her heart, and inside it he saw shriveled valves that made a mockery of the orderly flow of blood. The body, the soul, and the threat hanging over their union. He tried to think of the last without the first getting in the way.<\/p>

Why was that so important? His interest in the shape of the female body was well established, and he regularly entertained himself mentally undressing the girls he saw around him. He had also learned how certain forbidden parts felt \u2015 learning acquired at the bargain price of a few slaps on his hands and some fingernail impressions on his wrists. But he had never thought of Eden in those terms, nor did he want to. What drew him to her was a sense, which he would have had trouble articulating, that a precious aspect of his inner life resonated with something in her. He had discovered a different kind of beauty. This discovery could be embarrassing for a teenage boy, but Eden welcomed his confidences. Theirs had been a relationship of the spirit \u2015 notwithstanding handholding. Until today. Now his peace was shattered by the sight of a figure on a stepstool. He chided himself for being taken by surprise: Was she not a girl, after all? What had he expected, all soul and no body? If so, reality was knocking on his door, and it found him unprepared.<\/p>

The truth was that his mind could never be purged of today\u2019s experiences. He had some serious integrating to do.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t

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Chapter 16 >><\/a><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

PART II \u201cYou remember the hockey game? I mean, after the game.\u201d Josh was nervous. More than a week had passed, and he was afraid that the golden moment would slip away. Right after their date he was ready to bare his soul the first chance he got; now he was like a swimmer out […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":21,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-191","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/191","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=191"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/191\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":775,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/191\/revisions\/775"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/21"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/herbheineman.com\/Eden\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=191"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}